Four years of Summer
by saysomethingimgivinguponyou
Summary: Meredith and Derek are best friends and next door neighbors their entire lives growing up. Eventually they fall together and then they fall apart. After failing at trying to make a long distance relationship work and three years of not talking, a 22 year old Meredith comes home for the summer to her old life before everything fell apart. END-GAME MERDER
1. Chapter 1

Background: This first chapter begins as a flash back. There will be flashbacks throughout the story that will explain what went wrong in their relationship. Meredith and Derek were best friends growing up, they were neighbors and Carolyn was like a second mother to Meredith that she never had in Ellis. This first flashback is Meredith and Derek finally after 18 years of friendship, beggining their relationship. They had just graduated highschool. The non-flashback part of the story is present day four years after this flashback when Meredith and Derek finish their undergrad. She's home for the summer to clear out her old house since Ellis has Alztheimers. The end-game is MERDER but there will be some obsticles.

Meredith swirled around, her short flowly dress riding up and creating a circle as she spun, she clung tight to her bottle of tequila and a smile graced her lips. Her long blonde wavy hair was in a tangled mess and she buzzed around with the music. Derek Shephered her child hood best friend sat in the same room in an office chair with his elbow resting on his knee and his hand tucked under his chin watching her with a smirk on his face.

"Derek, we graduated" Meredith sang for the millionth time that night

"Yes Meredith, I am aware of what happened today" Derek told her clearly amused.

"No more Ellis, no more shitty highschool, freedom Derek, God, sweet sweet freedom" Meredith told him as she stopped twirling around for a moment to take another swig of tequila.

They were in Ellis's office, Ellis had gotten called in for a late night surgery and Derek wanted to make sure after his graudation party (that Meredith attented) that she wouldn't be alone the night she graduated. Around eleven when all his family started winding down, he walked Meredith back home and came inside with her promising that they would have fun, and celebrate the end of their primary school education with their own friends in their own way.

"Aren't you going to drink anything, We're celebrating" Meredith told him

"Mark's coming with the Scotch and beer, tequila is all yours" Derek told her still amused by her drunken antics.

He sat back and watched her as she started dancing again, he gulped when he saw the bottom hem of her dress riding up higher and higher. His eyes were fixated on her. He wanted her and the bulge in his pants told him the same thing. He didn't want to have feelings for his best friend of 18 years but something was happening and it had been for awhile. He was attracted to her, that was for sure. It seemed like lately every time he saw her all he thought about was her agaisnt his headboard and him inside of her. He tried to shake the feelings away but every night they haunted him.

"Why are you staring at me?" she asked him as she stopped twirling. He stood up from where he was, walked over to her and took the bottle of tequila from her hands and took a nice long swig, all while looking into her eyes. The same eyes he was used to seeing for the past 18 years but right now they seemed different, they had a fire in them that he had never seen before and tonight he wanted to play with fire. He looked her over, his eyes roaming over her body. His hands made their way through her hair and he watched her, never taking his eyes off of her.

"Meredith is this okay?" he whispered as he moved his hand from her hair and began to rub and down the sides of her thighs.

"Derek?" Meredith whispered alarmed. She was drunk, well a little drunk but she was coherent, and she knew that Derek knew that. He had seen her drunk many times, he knew the level she was at, he knew that she was still able to say no.

"Mer" Derek breathed her name so softly as he moved his hand from the side of her thigh back across her ass where his hand landed and sat

"Is this okay?" he again whispered

"W..When's Mark getting here?" Meredith barely managed to get out

Derek took his hand away and patted his dress pant pocket to signify his phone was there

"I can tell him not to come, should I?" Derek asked waiting for her permission.

Meredith leaned up close against him almost to kiss him, her body pressed against his and she could feel the erection, she slowly reached into Derek's dress pocket and pulled out his phone, after a few dials he heard her soft voice "Hey, Mark. Don't come over tonight. We'll catch up tomorrow. Yeah I'm sure. Bye". She tossed his phone on her moms desk. He watched her and took another gulp of tequila. No more words were exchanged. Meredith looked at him longingly and walked out of her moms office, Derek followed closely. They silently made their way to the back balcony, there was plenty of room, it was their spot. They used to do their homework there together for years, the first time Meredith got her heart broken, Derek had found her crying in that very spot, the first time they experimented with alochol had been there. It was symbolic. Neither spoke, they didn't know what to say, they just knew they wanted eachother. Meredith leaned against the rail, her hair blowing in the wind, her eyes daring him to come closer; and he did. Within second, he had his arms around her waist

"Meredith, you know there's no going back?" he whispered

"I know that" Meredith told him looking into his eyes with longing

"And you want to do this?" he asked, he wanted comfirmation

"I need this Derek" she told him as she moved her hands to unbutton his dress shirt. He let her and she watched it fall off. He took the hem of her dress and pulled it over her head. When he saw her in just her bra and panties he gasped. Softly with one hand around her hip and the other in her hair he pulled her to him and kissed her. It took them a second to adjust until they melted into eachother.

"Derek" Meredith mumbled against his lips. Slowly he pulled away gave her a look of admiration and he was kissing her again. They stood softy kissing in the moonlight for some time before the kissing got heated, what was gentle making out became need and Derek had Meredith's small body pushed hard against the balcony railing, his hands trailing everywhere and his mouth attacking hers. In an easy manuever, he had picked her up and they made out in his arms while he opened the door to the balcony and they were inside of her bedroom. Meredith had her battery operated candles burning and the contrast from the dark gave them both a glow. He laid her down and then was on top of her on her king sized matress. He went from kissing her mouth to laying kisses down her jaw, chest, stomach before he reached her panties. He kissed her face again and asked her for permission with his eyes. She gave him a small nod and he took her panties off before he went between her legs

"God Derek" she moaned out of breath.

"You're ready Mer" Derek told her and she got the hint that it was time to finish what they had started. She helped him out of his boxers before he slowly slid into her. She groaned at the adjustment but slowly they found their rhythem. Derek had never experianced anything like it before, they were both virgins, he had come close a few times, but with every other girl it just never felt right. Meredith's moans turned him on more and he finished a lot faster than he intended with Meredith finishing right after him. He stayed inside of her for a minute after they had both orgasmned. Neither knowing what to say, silence engulfed a room that had previously been full of lustful moans.

"We just had sex" Meredith whispered with a tear in her eye.

He scooted the hair out of her face and looked at her deeply "No, Mer. I just made love to you"

"What does all of this mean?" Meredith asked her eyes becoming wide with panic

Derek shook his head "I don't know"

"I'm going to Dartmouth, you're going to Bowdoin. This won't work"

Derek slid his hand down the curve of Meredith's hip and placed a kiss on her temple

"What if we make it work. Sure it'll be hard, what part of life isn't. Mer we can't just pretend this never happened"

"No going back" she told him with a small smile

He nodded

"I'm scared. You're my best friend, I don't want to fuck this up with my commitment issues, and daddy issues, and dark and twisty issues" she rambled

"I'm scared too, but I love you. I am in love with you."

Meredith looked at him and then slowly wrapped her hands around his face and pulled him towards her.

"I'm in love with you too"


	2. Chapter 2

At twenty two, Meredith Grey had just finished her under-grad pre-med at Darthmouth University. While at Dartmouth she gained a group of close friends and her person, Christina Yang. Her first year at Dartmouth she tried to make it work with her long time best friend Derek Shepherd, but a long distance relationship proved to be hard, too hard and they had broken up. It was a knock-out drag out break up that ended in tears and both of them swearing they would never speak to eachother ever again. They had realized along the way that they were holding eachother back and both refused to transfer to the others Universitiy, there were just too many things to be involved in and to many oppurtunities that would go to waste if they were constantly tied up to eachother. Right before exams her freshman year, Derek had decided to break it off and Meredith chose to spend that summer backpacking Europe rather than coming home and living next door to the boy that had broken her heart. That trend had continued over the course of the next years and even Christmas Holidays Meredith kept a low profile and avoided Derek and he seemed to do the same with her. She had heard through the grapevine that last year Derek had started dating a girl at Bowdoin and she was happy for him. She wanted to spend her summer after graduating exploring more of Europe with her friends and sleeping with cute Italian men but that wasn't going to be a reality this year. Her mother Ellis got diagnosed with Alzheimers and was going to be moving into a care facility close to her school which meant her old house needed to be cleaned out and fast.

It was late May as Meredith made her way out of her jeep and onto the home she spent her child hood in. The air was cool and she shivered a little in her tiny tank top and black yoga pants. She forgot about the sweater she had tied around her waist and stood with her arms crossed looking at the house that held so many memories. It was approaching 8:00 and the sun was starting to go down. From her point of view the house was beauiful and she would have no problem selling it. She made a mental note to contact her realistate agent tomorrow and see how quickly they could schedule house tours and get the place sold. Her best friend Christina was coming in a few days to stay with her and help the place get cleaned out. She decided that she would stay in the house until it sold that way she wouldn't have to waste money on staying somewhere until she could move into her apartment at Dartmouth. As Meredith looked at the house, a lot of memories came back to her, like the time her and Derek broke into her moms office to look at surgery tapes or the time her and Derek almost fornicated on the balcony. A small blush made its way onto her face and she relunctantly looked next door for the first time since her freshman year of college. She had always avoided that house at all means all the times she came home for Christmas. It looked exactly the same, white house, black shudders. It could use a new paint job but other than that, it still looked like her refugee house. She hadn't visited Carolyn since spring break three years prior, she hadn't meant to cut Carolyn off too but she was a direct link to Derek and she just couldn't bring herself to go over there. She went back to her car and sighed at how packed full it was. She was moving apartments which meant all of her belongings had to stay with her until she moved into the new one. She didn't even want to think about how many trips it would take her to get all of her stuff moved in.

"Well hey stranger" Meredith heard a voice boom from next door. She looked over and walking towards her was Mark Sloan.

She met him half way and threw her arms around him. They were never that close but with everything going on in her life with her mom it was comforting to see a familiar face. He hugged her back

"Let me look at you, stand back" Mark intructed her with a grin.

She stood back and looked at him questioningly

"Damn Grey, you got hotter. And your hair is so long, you know I dig women with long hair. Fuck, you should've came home sooner" Mark teased

"Ha-ha Mark, some things never change" Meredith said with fake annoyance as she rolled her eyes

"No they don't, but you have. I don't know what it is, but you're different"

"Maybe it's the fact that you haven't seen me in four years?" Meredith questioned

"Ah that's right. Last time I saw you, you were just a scrawny virgin, with a crush on my best friend" Mark teased and when she shot him mad glares, he laughed

"There's the Meredith I remember"

"How have you been?" Meredith asked wanting desperatly to change the subject

"I can't complain. Just graduated, I'm staying with the Sheps until med school starts up. You won't believe it but I got into Harvard."

"Mark, that's awesome! I'm happy for you"

"Yeah thanks I was shocked I got in, So I heard about your mom, I'm really sorry" Mark told her sincerly

"We were never really that close anyways" Meredith shrugged

Mark nodded, he knew the feeling. "But thanks" Meredith added

"You graduated right?" Mark asked her

"I did. I'm staying at Darthmouth for med school and then who knows"

There was a bit of silence

"So you're staying with the Shephered's?" Meredith asked trying to seem non-chalant.

"Yeah, Derek is staying at Bowdoin for med school and with me going to Harvard, man I can't stop saying that" Mark laughed then continued "It just feels right to be home for a little bit, before everything changes"

Meredith bit her lip

"Don't be nervous, you can ask me about Derek. I won't tell him" Mark said picking up on her apprehension.

She gave him a bewildered look.

"You and Derek were glued to eachother's sides, I picked up on some of your habits Grey and lip biting is tell-tale that you are nervous."

"I'm not nervous...it's just..."

"Weird, I know" Mark agreed

"Things ended badly, I know we're going to run into eachother at somepoint and when we do...I just.. I want to be prepared"

Mark laughed "Prepared?" he asked her

"Yeah...like if Derek has a girlfriend or something, I'd like to know so at least if we ever talk and he tells me, I won't show my feelings on my face, which I do sometimes" Meredith rambled.

Mark gave her an understanding smile.  
"Actually, it doesn't matter. We've both moved on" Meredith said now getting self-conscious.

"Do you need help moving all this shit in?" Mark asked her.

"That would be lovely" Meredith agreed letting out a deep breath

"Some things do never change Meredith Grey" Mark teased.

She hit him playfully and he threw his head back laughing. Mark Sloan laughing at her again, never ever changing.

Mark helped her unload her stuff after about 6 trips and hemmed by the door way

"Do you want a beer?" Meredith asked him

"Yeah, thanks. Corona?" he asked

"Duh" she responded. Thats all they drank in highschool

"You want one?" he asked as he made his way to the fridge

"Yeah" she called as she took a seat on her sofa. This place was never super homey but it was homey enough. Waiting for Mark, she took a look around.

"My lady" he said as he bowed and passed her the drink.

"Thank you kind sir" Meredith teased back and before Mark could respond his phone rang.  
"Hey Man" he answered

"You have news? Yeah, I know my cars there. I'm still in the neighborhood...Um well..I'm at Meredith's" there was a pause in the conversation

"Uh...yeah she is...I will. I'll be over in a bit"

Meredith looked away

"Derek says hi"Mark informs her

"Oh. Cool"

"Well thanks for the beer, I think its a pretty fair trade off for lacky-ing around all your crap for you" Mark teased

"Hey, you offered. I didn't ask for your help"

"But you certainly took advantage when you got it"

Meredith shrugged

"You gotta get back?" she asked

"Yeah. Derek has some news or whatever. He sounded a little urgent. I should go"

"Well thanks again for your help, and everything. Come back by. My best friend Christina will be here in a few days, you can meet her"

"For sure" Mark agreed "See you later Mer"

Mark left and the house felt too empty. Meredith tried to keep her thoughts off of Derek and in order to do that, she needed to finish her beer then head to bed. She couldn't help but wonder what Derek's news was and if he really was sincere about saying hello or if he just said it out of obligation. She decided to not worry about it and head to bed, she had a long day ahead of her.

Mark had gotten back to Derek's house and Carolyn was in the kitchen baking

"Did you see Meredith?" Carolyn asked him as he made his way into the kitchen

"Yeah, I did, I helped her move her stuff in" Mark said nursing the beer he had gotten form her fridge

"How is she? Poor thing. Her and her mother were never close but still thats hard news to swallow. I'm going over there tomorrow to bring her these cookies, she always used to love them when she would come over"

Derek sat silently on the bar stool.  
"She seemed okay, just different" Mark informed them

Carolyns eyes scrunched up in confusion "Well ofcourse she's different honey, you haven't seen her in years"

"No, thats not what I mean, she's just different"

"What did she gain 200 pounds?" Derek asked with a smirk

"She's hot man, like really really hot. She filled out. She's beautiful. You fucked up" Mark said taking another chug of his now half empty Corona.

"Derek, you need to go over there tomorow and make things right" Carolyn told her son.

"I think it's too late to make anything right, so much time has passed"

"That's nonsense Derek, you two were best friends for your whole lives" Carolyn pestered

"I agree with mama Shep, thats bullshit Derek."

Derek waited until everyone went to bed and then he walked out onto the balcony of his room. He could always see Meredith's balcony from his so easily. They used to sneak and talk across yards back when they had curfews and were supposed to be sleeping. He hadn't been on that balcony in years. He did his best to get Meredith Grey out of his mind for years and sometimes he succeeded but she always remained there. Truthfully he was scared to see her, he didn't know if his heart could take it. He was so in love with her and deep down probably still was. He was scared that he would see her and she would take his breath away and he would begin to question all of his feelings for the girl he was planning on marrying. This could be a total disaster but maybe it wouldn't, maybe he would see her and realize the person he remembered wasn't actually as great as he thought, but he sincerly doubted it.


	3. Chapter 3

Warning: This chapter hints at Addek, I hate them too but they are together right now for story purposes. And in case I didn't say it before: All rights to Shonda Rhimes.

Also thank you guys so much for the reviews! I'm glad ya'll seem interested in me continuing the story and seeing where it goes!

From now on the flashbacks will most likely be in the chapters themselves and not a seperate chapter like the first flashback was.

Mark awoke to Derek pacing his room, back and forth. His eyes irate and red. Mark looked over at his clock it was 5:17 in the morning. He groaned

"Shep, what the actual fuck?" Mark cursed and sat up from his bed rubbing his temples

"I haven't even slept man, I've been up all night"

"Yeah I can see that. What's going on?" Mark asked

"I asked Addison to marry me" Derek stated blandly

"That was your news?" Marks eyes almost popped out of his head

Derek sighed "I didn't want mom to know yet" he told his friend scratching the back of his neck nervously.

"Did she say yes?" Mark asked

"Ofcourse she said yes, she's been pressuring me about proposing for months now" Derek took a seat on the edge of Mark's bed.

"Congratulations, on permantly giving your dick to that she-beast, and giving up what was supposed to be our best years of wing-man partnership"

Derek rolled his eyes.

"I'm serious Derek. We're 22. This is Addison we're talking about. What. the. fuck. posessed you to do this to me" Mark was serious about the Addison part but was mostly teasing about being hurt over it.

Derek stood up and began pacing again. "I don't know. She's just been on my ass lately. And we're moving in together and Meredith's been gone for three years. I didn't even fucking know she was back" Derek cursed.

"Are you saying if you knew she was back, you wouldn't have voluntarily promised to give your personal and sex life to that monster for eternity?" Mark asked with a small smirk lighting his features

"Yes. No. No Her being back doesn't change anything. It's over, it's been over. It's just...What if Addison isn't the one. What if I made a huge mistake. What if I go over there and see her and what if I fall in love with her all over again. What if I can't ever lose her again after seeing her. I can't go to that house Mark" Derek was getting hysterical. His breathe was ragged.

"Derek chill out. Seriously I would go to the liquor closet and pour us both a single malt but it's 5 AM, I'm not prohibionist by any means but even I draw the line at hard liquor before 9 AM"

"Mark focus" Derek said in frustration

"Man, I don't know what I'm supposed to fucking say."

"Be my best friend, give me advice" Derek told him

"I've already told you time and time again. Addison isn't for you. I don't think she's for anyone. Talk to Meredith"

"How was she today, when you saw her and talked to her?" Derek asked

"She was alright, I told you, she looked different"

"Like good different?" Derek asked

"Like really good different, I'm telling you Derek, when you see her you're going to shit your pants"

"Fuck" Derek said aloud

"My advice to you, is to go over there as soon as possible. Talk to her, have closure. Then dump Addison and me and you can spend the summer get laid and drinking beers"

"That's a great idea. We'll just bring girls back to my house, fuck them on my mattress from highschool with my mom sleeping directly below me, and when we all wake up the next morning, mom can cook us all breakfast and we can call them a cab" Derek smacked Mark in the head

"My best plans aren't exactly formed at 5 AM" Mark whined

"Alright, I'm going. I'll talk to her today"

"You should, now get out of my damn room before I beat the shit out your face" Mark told him with a grin.

Derek rolled his eyes at his friend and then smiled, he really didn't know what he would do without Mark.

After being in the house all night, Meredith had begun to go stir crazy. She decided she would go into town and see how much everything had changed. They lived in a tiny town neighboring the city where Ellis had always worked. When she married Thatcher his only requirement was a house away from the city so that when they had kids, there was a yard for them to play in. Ellis ofcourse hated the idea but she was always too consumed with her work to participate in the choosing of a home, Thatcher got his way and that was where Ellis lived for the past 25 years. She stayed there long after Thatcher left her and long after Meredith left for college, she was too focussed and busy to even consider selling the house. She was barely there either, being Chief of Surgery meant that she spent many nights sleeping at the hospital and truth be told, she wouldn't have it any other way. Meredith made herself a cup of coffee and stood outside on the back porch in just a t-shirt. One thing she would miss about this house was the many outdoor views and areas. This particular porch was netted and Ellis had kept fake flowers in the room which gave it an amazon feel. Meredith loved this porch almost as much as she loved her balcony. That balcony was where her life had changed, she had fell in love there and almost made love there. She spent her life with Derek there, all of her formative years, most of her teenage years. She had always been wild and Derek had always been sweet and quirky, he had always gotten her out of trouble and most of the time had prevented her from getting in trouble in the first place.

 _"Mer" she heard Derek's screaming voice through the house. She was drinking again. He didn't like when she drank but he understood it was a part of what made her who she was. Meredith was sixteen with her trusted bottle of tequila in stow and she came bounding down the stairs and threw her arms around his neck_

 _"Hey Derek" Meredith said with a smile and pulled his hand so that they were going back up the stairs and onto Meredith's balcony._

 _"Are you okay?" He asked her as he followed behind her, her hand in his. He had gotten her text saying that she needed him and he immediatly ended his date, a date he worked to get for 4 long months._

 _"I'm great" she smiled_

 _"Meredith, I was on a date" Derek told her annoyed "I ended my date because I thought something was wrong. I thought you were hurt or Ellis said something. You're drinking" He deadpanned_

 _"You were on a date" Meredith said sobering up_

 _"Yeah. With Paige Rivers. The cheerleader. Do you have any idea how long it took me to get there and now she probably won't speak to me again" Derek told her exasperated._

 _"You were on a date" Meredith repeated_

 _"What's so fucking funny about me being on a date" Derek fumed._

 _Meredith started hysterically laughing "You've never even kissed a girl, how are you going on a date with one who's slept with half the football team" Meredith was in hysterics laughing._

 _"That was just a rumor" Derek defended_

 _"And so? You've never kissed a guy. So you're no better than me"_

 _"Well I think you should at least kiss a girl before you try to date them" Meredith told him_

 _"I think you have to date someone before you can kiss them Mer, that's how it works"_

 _"Not necessarily" Meredith told him with a grin_

 _"What are you saying?" Derek asked her perplexed_

 _"Kiss me. We can be eachother's first kisses that way if it sucks we know we suck and then can try to improve by the time a date comes around"_

 _"Okay" Derek said and looked at his friend. She was beautiful. The way the moonlight casted light on her body. A body that was barely dressed. She had on a t-shirt and no pants, he just now noticed how long her legs were. He gulped and then looked her in her eyes. There was hope there. He took the tequila bottle from her hands and sat it down on the ground._  
 _"No more tequila Mer" Derek told her softly_

 _"But Derek"_

 _"No Meredith, no more for awhile at least. Please. You don't need it to cope, you have me and you know I'll always be here for you" Derek promised her._

 _"I know" Meredith told him full of emotion. She looked at her best friend, really looking at him. He was tall and his blue eyes were shining, his dark hair had grown out a bit and his arms were becoming very muscular from his time at the gym with Mark. He was hot, but more than that, she thought he was beautiful and he was always there for her, always. He ended a date with the prettiest girl in school just because he thought she was in trouble._

 _Derek wrapped his arms around her waist and looked her in the eyes._

 _Meredith gently laid her hand on the back of his head and leaned closer. In an instant they were pulled to eachother. It wasn't an awkward kiss, it was soft and became passionate. For a first kiss she thought it was the best damn first kiss in the history of the world. His tongue was in her mouth and she allowed it, she reciprocated by biting his lower lip that caused him to groan. When they finally broke off the kiss, they were both breathless._

 _"That definitely did not suck" Derek told her amazement in his eyes_

 _"Now when you go on another date with Paige, you know what you're doing" Meredith whispered, not wanting to let on how much she enjoyed it._

 _Derek nodded. However, after that moment he couldn't even put a face with the name. That was the moment he had fallen in love with his best friend. At sixteen years old Derek had fallen in love for the very first time but the problem was he had fallen in love with the one girl who was forbidden territory. Derek refused to tell her that night that he wanted to kiss her again and again and so the next day they both pretended like it had never happened. They went back to teasing eachother and hanging out, it wasn't until graduation night that two years of repressed sexual frustration finally got resolved. Unbekownst to Derek, Meredith had fallen in love that night too._

Meredith shook that memory from her head and decided to get dressed and make her way through town. She could park her jeep at the gazebo and walk around to all the stores and shops. Christina would be there hopefully tonight and she needed at least food in the house. She made her way inside a familiar market, and looked around. It had changed so much, she remembers when her and Derek used to sneak in there when they were eight and the owner used to give them a free donut and send them back to their parents. She smiled slightly at the memory. She made her way up and down the aisles. What used to be a junk store full of the worst treats imaginable was now a health store with signs like 'Organic' 'Locally Grown' and 'Gluten Free'. She didn't mind the change and she needed some real food anyway. Neither her or Christina knew how to cook but she could atleast get some chips and bread and cereal, and some fruit. While she was approaching the wine aisle to see what choices she had for her and Christina's first night together in the house she saw a tall red head talking loudly on the phone. She wore stilleleto heels and a tight black pencil skirt. Her hair was in a tight ponytail and she had on hand pushing a cart and the other holding her phone to her ear.

"Yes mom, he proposed, last night. I'm thinking a summer wedding in the Hamptoms. You can invite the mayor and all of Daddy's collegues. It will be the event of the season" the red head squelled

Meredith watched her for a moment, she did not fit in here. Meredith looked at her own self, she was dressed in a pair of short highwasted shorts and a bandeu top that showed off her navel. Meredith had never been a modest dresser, half the time she didn't even wear pants. It wasn't to be promiscious, it was just how she felt comfortable.

"I mean the ring is okay, as soon as he graduates though, I expect something bigger. Budget be damned" the red head laughed and then turned when she caught someone staring at her.

"Can I help you?" the red head asked

"Yeah, you're in my way." Meredith responded motioning to the wine.

The red head rolled her eyes but moved a few steps down. "Sorry mommy, I was just interupted" the girl said shooting daggers at Meredith who just rolled her eyes in return. 

Meredith began surveying the Wines when the red head ended her conversation and stood beside Meredith.

"So I just got engaged last night" the red head told Meredith with a smile

"I heard, Congratulations" Meredith told her dryly, her eyes gazing over the Wines.

"My boyfriend, well fiance, is telling his mother tonight and I don't think she likes me, she's still hooked on his highschool girlfriend or whatever" the red head said with an eyeroll.

"Anyway, if you were trying to impress your future mother in law, which one would you bring her?" the read head pointed to the wall of alchohol.

Meredith thought for a moment.

"Do the White Merlot"

"Why?"

"It's a neutral, it doesn't stain anybody's teeth and no one can really hate White Merlot, it's just kind of there. At least if she doesn't love it, she won't hate it" Meredith told the girl

The red head took a deep breath "Thanks" she told her and grabbed the bottle

"Sure" Meredith responded before deciding on none of the Wines.

"I'm really nervous about tonight honestly" the red head continued as she followed Meredith down the next aisle.

Meredith was silent but the red head looked so hopeful "Okay, I'll bite. Why are you nervous?" Meredith asked

"I'm suprising my fiance and his mother. He doesn't know I'm in town and I just, I want him to be excited"

"He asked you to marry him, I'm sure he's excited" Meredith told her as she looked up and down at different instant rices.

"I dont know about that, his best friend hates me, his mother hates me. I feel like he doesn't think I'll fit into his world"

"He grew up here, I grew up on the upper east side of Conneticut. He played outside with his child-hood best friends and I went to coming-out parties. I just need a friend or something from around here so that he could see that we're not so different"

Meredith paused from her search "You do realize that he asked you to marry him. I don't think you need to be anything but who you are. Trying to be someone you're not just hurts the both of you"

The red head nodded "I guess you're right, but having a friend around here wouldn't hurt, I've never asked this before in my life, I can't even believe I'm saying it now, but will you be my friend?" the red head asked.

"Sure, I guess"

The red head took a breath out "Addison" she said and reached to shake the blondes hand

"Meredith" Meredith responded.

"Can I bring you with me tonight?" Addison asked

"Um no."

"Alright I figured, but at least let me get your number, so that we can hang out later, talk, you can show me how to fit in around here"

Meredith smiled "I feel like I'm getting picked up in a super-market and I am 100 percent straight, just F.Y.I"

"Oh my God, I'm not a lesbian. I'm just desperate, please"

Meredith and Addison exchanged numbers before Meredith left. When she got back to her house she began to unload groceries. There was a note left on her door and she quickly opened it.

'Hi sweetie, Heard about your mom. I made you some cookies and just wanted to see you. You weren't home and I have some errands to run but I will be back around four, I hope to see you then.

-Caroyln

Ps: I still love you like one of my own, don't be scared and avoid me.

Meredith sighed. She couldn't shake the guilt for avoiding the one woman who had always been more of a mother to her than her own mother. Meredith decided if Carolyn was coming than she needed to clean the house and air it out. The house had piles of dust from Ellis's lack of interest in her home and first thing first was getting it opened up. Meredith opened all the windows on the bottom floor than jogged upstairs to open the windows on the top floor. She found some leftover cleaning products in the bottom cabinet in her kitchen and went to work. With all the cleaning and the lack of air, Meredith was sweatting. She tied her long blonde hair in a loose pony tail and took off her jean shorts until she was just in a black thong and bandeu top. That felt better. After an hour of cleaning the house was starting to look clean, and there wasn't much dust left. Meredith heard the doorbell ring and got excited, finally Christina was here, she was just happy she came sooner rather than later, she missed her person.

"Come in" Meredith shouted from the living room where she was currently bent over cleaning out old DVD's.

She heard the door open "Hey, I thought you weren't coming until tonight, I'm still cleaning" Meredith said

"I can see that" A male voice spoke.

Meredith jumped at the voice and turned around coming face to face with none other than Derek Shepherd. His face held a smirk.

"I thought you were my friend Christina"

Meredith said as she tried to cover herself.

Derek smiled "Don't be embarassed, I've seen it all before" he told her before he reached for the ground and picked up her shorts and handed them over to her

"Thanks" Meredith muttered before turning around to put her pants on. Derek was instantly met with Meredith's ass which had gotten slightly bigger since he last was with her. He remembered one too many times that ass in his hands while he pounded into her. He followed her legs to her ass to the curve of her spine, oh yes Mark was very right. Her body was tanned and her hair was long and blonde and looked thicker. She was still thin Meredith but now she had more curve to her body, she had a nice rack that he had to admit. She was still dressed in barely any clothing and he couldn't help the buldge beggining to form in his pants. 'This is wrong' he thought.

She stared at him expectantly

"What?" he asked

"You came here" She told him with a slight smile.

"Right, I...I um, you look great" Derek told her with a smile.

"You do too" she told him and resumed going through D.V.D's, looking at him was hard right now.

"Thanks. I heard about your mom Mer, I'm-"

"Really sorry, yeah I know. Everyone is" she snapped back.

"So you're selling the house" Derek asked

"I am, it's time to let the past go, move forward" she told him and he could tell there was deeper meaning behind it.

"Yeah well some things, even things from the past you should hold onto" he replied cooly

"This house has some great memories attached to it, but those are just part of the things I'm trying to put behind me"

There was silence.

"I knew we would run into eachother at somepoint, I didn't realize it would be this awkward" Meredith said trying to break the ice.

"You never came home that summer" Derek responded quietly.

"It was too hard Derek, you broke my heart" she told him honestly

"I know. I just, I wanted to be free. Not to fuck around or anything like that. It was just so hard. I was in Maine you were far away and balancing who was going where for the weekend every weekend and trying to form friendships and do well in school. I just, I lost my mind for a moment and I ended things." Derek told her apologetically.

Meredith didn't speak.

"My dad died during my last day of exams, I came home devasted and I needed you but you never came home."

"I couldn't face you. I didn't know your dad died until later in the summer"

"You could have called. You could have shown up. You could have done anything. He was like a dad to you too." Derek said and there was anger in his voice.

"Well I didn't Derek, there's no going back. You broke up with me and you destroyed me and I'm not going to apologize for how I chose to repair what you broke" Meredith spat.

Derek shook his head "My father died Meredith and you didn't even care"

Meredith had tears brimming in her eyes "That's fucking bull shit Derek and you know it. When I found out...I sobbed. Your dad was the closest thing I ever had to a father"

"Exactly and my mother was the closest thing you ever had to a real mom and you couldn't even bother to come see us. You couldn't even pretend like it affected you in anyway"

"Derek" Meredith managed to get out. He was hurting her again and he knew it.

"I'm sorry." He told her quietly

"You're right, some things are better left in the past. I shouldn't have come over here" he said and turned to leave.

"I'm sorry too, about your dad. I should've came by, I should've sucked up my pride and spoken to you, but I didn't. I'm here now, only for the summer then this house will be sold and you won't have to see me again."

Derek nodded "There's no reason why we can't be friends, we were friends our whole lives. If there is one thing I know its how to be your friend, help you after drunken tequila nights, do your homework for you, steal Ellis's surgery videos and watch them until 3 in the morning" he told her

"Everything is different now" she told him blankly.

Derek shrugged. "Doesn't have to be Meredith" then he turned to leave

"Oh yeah and Mer, mom expects you at dinner tonight, see you at seven" He said with a wink and then he was gone.

"Fuck" he cursed out loud and ran his hands through his hair. He was still in love.

"Fuck" Meredith screamed and through a DVD at the wall. She was still in love.

Please let me know what you think of the chapter! I love reviews! Also I wanted to make Addison a snotty bitch but still somewhat likeable. It'll make things more interesting once the story progresses. Thank you to you all that reviewed and thank you for all the future reviews!


	4. Chapter 4

The reviews I received made me so happy! I'm so glad ya'll are enjoying this story as much as I am enjoying writing it. Just remember this story will be MerDer Endgame 100 percent.

It was 6:30 and Meredith was staring at herself in the mirror. She took a shower and washed her hair and even applied makeup, not a ton but enough to make her eyes shine brighter. She studied herself. Her hair was long and wavy coming to a rest mid bicep, she dressed her tanned body in a short indiago dress with a back that was completely cut out. It had spaghetti straps and it clung to the curve of her body.

"Are we going to dinner with old family friends or are you trying to get laid tonight?" Christina asked.

"It's too much right?" Meredith asked biting her lip.

Christina rolled her eyes "This is so not what I signed up for. Mer, grow some freaking confidence and be the bad ass girl you've been all through college. All he is is a giant hair product with a big dick and dreamy eyes"

"So I shouldn't change?" Meredith asked

"Oh. My God. I can't believe I gave up a summer in Europe for this shit."

"He's my Burke okay. Picture that you are seeing Burke for the first time in three years, what would you wear?"

"To get his ass back for breaking up with me? Exactly what you have on" Christina said with a smirk.

"Thank you. But you have to change. I can't go like this and you be in that" Meredith said gesturing to Christina's faded sweatpants and Darthmouth T-shirt.

"You're lucky there's going to be food, or I would have made you go alone" Christina puffed.

"I'm so excited to have Meredith over for dinner, it will feel just like old times" Carolyn said excidedly as she checked the chicken in the oven for the 3rd time in the last 8 minutes

"Yes, it will" Mark said with a smile. He looked at Derek who was fidgeting with his dress shirt.

"I'm glad you and Meredith made up, now that she's home I can have my daughter back"

"Meredith's not your daughter mom, that would make her my sister which would be 12 levels of creepy" Derek cringed

"I always wanted a daughter and she's been the closest thing to one, her and Mark will forever be my adopted kids" Carolyn said as she placed a kiss on Marks cheek.

"We didn't exactly make up, she just agreed to dinner" Derek shrugged. Before Carolyn could respond to him the doorbell rang and she went to get it.

"Dude, you have to tell your mom about Addison before she starts planning you and Mer's wedding" Mark said in a hushed voice

"I think it's too late for that."

"Then break up with Addison"

"Shut up. Don't say anything about Addison tonight. Mer doesn't know" Derek whispered

"Meredith doesn't know? Fuck Derek, when she finds out, it's not going to be pretty."

"I just need some time, I need some perspective Addison is going to Paris with her family for the rest of the summer."

"Good, maybe you'll come to your senses by then"

Carolyn took a look at Meredith and her eyes lit up

"You look beautiful, college has certainly agreed with you." Carolyn told Meredith as she brought her in for a hug.

"Thanks Carolyn" Meredith said shyly. She didn't know why she was so shy, this woman knew everything about her, she was there for almost all of it and Meredith was always her quirky self around this woman.

"You must be Christina" Carolyn said with a smile.

Christina looked bored "Yup" she nodded. She looked around the house and saw Derek and Mark making their way in.

"Hey Mark, hey Derek" Meredith said with a smile. Derek stared at his ex girlfriend, she looked stunning. The way her long legs were on display, the way that dress clung to every curve on her body. When she turned to give Mark a hug he felt a pang of jealousy, not that Mark or Meredith would ever be a thing but still, someone else's hands on his Meredith made him sick. When she leaned over to give him a hug the first physical contact in three years, he felt her fit into him the same way she always had. He went to wrap his arm around her waist and was pleasantly surprised when he felt skin. He rubbed his hand up and down for a second realizes the back was completely cut out. He could feel the familiar bulge. He cursed himself, why did she always have this effect on him. Meredith pulled back and they both blushes.

"Hey Mer, hey Mer's friend" Mark said with a wink at Christina

"Oh grosse" Christina said out loud and made a face which earned her a jab in her ribs from Meredith.

Derek still hadn't said a word, he was still in awe over Meredith being in his arms. "I brought treats" Meredith said with a smile as she held up a six pack of Corona's. She remembers times when she used to hang out with Derek and his parents and Mark and they would play cards and drink. His parents always allowed it since they were under their supervision and no one had to drive home.

"There's more at the house if we need them" Meredith continued.

"I could use one now" Derek said and reached for the six pack, his hands brushed against Merediths and they both felt the spark. They were both fixated on eachother's face and Carolyn smiled, oh yes they were still in love and she was forming a plan.

"Okay, if the eye-sex is over can we please eat, I was promised food and fast" Christina blurted out.

Meredith's face turned red and Mark started laughing.

"I like this one" Mark said with a shit eating grin

"Christina" Meredith groaned

"What?" then it dawned on her "Oh, sorry Mama Shep. Low blood sugar" Christina half assed apologized

"It's quite alright Christina, let's feed you girls. Marcus you can help me in the kitchen, come along Christina, you can sample the food. Derek get Meredith a drink and we'll join you in the dining room in a bit" Carolyn said with an innocent smile as if she didn't know what she was doing.

Meredith sent Christina a pleading look but Christina just shrugged and went in search for the food.

Derek passed Meredith a Corona which she immediately opened and took a sip. Meredith took a seat at the dining room table, the same seat she used to always sit in. It felt comfortable and normal. Derek sat across from her on the other side, that way they were face to face. Tonight he didn't think that was such a great idea but that had always been his seat at the table and he didn't want Meredith to think he was avoiding her.

Meredith played with the rim of her beer for a few seconds and Derek kept his drink pressed to his lips. An awkward silence engulfed the room.

"So about earlier, I didn't mean to come over and just attack you about what happened with my dad. It's in the past" Derek said breaking the silence. Meredith gave him a tight smile

"Lets just move forward Derek. It's just one summer, like you said we can be friends"

"Just for the summer?" Derek asked

"For the summer, yeah"

Derek nodded.

"I mean maybe after then too, my point is, the past is the past, we were best friends and we haven't spoken in years. We have catching up to do"

"We do, tell me about yourself, I want to get to know you again" Derek told her with a smile

"Well, I just graduated, you know that. I'm staying at Dartmouth for Med School, Christina is actually one of my roommates, along with our other friends Alex and George"

"Alex and George? Are either one your boyfriend? As former best friend I need to be aware of these things" Derek joked

"No, Alex and George are like brothers" Meredith laughed

"Hmm, I see you still like to drink, is Tequila still your poison of choice?" Derek asked as they fell into their old banter

"Of course, you know Der, something's never will change"

Derek took a swig of beer "Mhm" he hummed "I'll have to come visit you sometime, see how great Dartmouth really is if you're willing to spend 4 more years there"

As Meredith was about to respond Carolyn came in with dinner with Mark and Christina's help.

"This looks delicious Carolyn" Meredith said sniffing in the smell of a home cooked meal. It was very rare she had one of these, in fact she hadn't had one since she went home with one of her college friends last year.

"Its freaking delicious, Mama Shep has a way with a kitchen" Christina said with a mouthful of food.

"You girls eat as much as you want, I made plenty" Carolyn told them with a satisfied smile.

Everyone laughed, passed around the food and beers. The dinner was actually far from awkward, even Christina and Mark were able to banter. Carolyn caught up on everything about Meredith and got to know the girl she had always loved all over again. Derek had laughed harder that night than he had in years and Carolyn couldn't help but take joy in how happy her son seemed.  
"Monopoly" Mark suddenly shouted

"Meredith Elizabeth Grey, you owe me" Mark said and stood up and rummaged through the game closet in the dining room

Everyone was amused and confused at the same time and it finally registered to Derek "Meredith and Mark were both extremely competitive for my love back in the day" he joked

"I so was not" Meredith interjected

"Like I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, Mark and Mer used to make everything a competition and one night we were having family game night after I spent the whole day with Mark, and Meredith being the little jealous one that she was, flipped the entire monopoly board over when Mark was winning"

"Mark was cheating!" Meredith yelled out with a huff

"I was not!" Mark challenged back

"I was there, Mark wasn't cheating Mer was just butt hurt about earlier in the day" Derek said amused

"Thank you, I knew you were my best friend for a reason, loyalty" Mark itercepted setting the game down on the table.

Meredith huffed and put her arms across her chest "It seemed like he was cheating" she mumbled

"Don't worry Mer, the board flipping was very cute" Derek told her with a wink

"Anyway after that happened and Meredith calmed down, she promised Mark a rematch but we left for school a few weeks later and it never really happened"

"Until today, pick your pieces people and I get to be banker" Mark yelled getting excited

"The hell you are" Meredith retorted

"Okay, okay children, I'll be banker. That way its fair" Carolyn told everybody as they set the board up.

An hour into the game, everyone had had some more beers curtesy of Meredith's loaded fridge and Mark and Meredith were deadlocked, everyone else had gone bankrupt and Derek was next to Meredith coaching her and Christina was sitting with Mark.

"We need his Disney World so we can put up some more properties" Derek whispered in Merediths ear. The use of the word 'we' and the feeling of his mouth so close to her ear gave Meredith chills. Derek saw and thought Meredith was cold and draped his arm around her in a friendly maneuever.

"Thanks" she said softly. He grinned at her "What are friends for"

"Marcus Sloan, Derek and I would like to make a deal with you for Disney World" Meredith told him formally.

Christina scoffed "Hmm let me mull it over with my business partner, Christina?" he asked

"Under no circumstances will we make a deal for Disney"

"Oh come on, the game is at a stand still" Derek says annoyed.

"Nope, not budging" Mark remarked, opening his 5th beer.

"Then nothing is going to happen. We're just going to sit here for hours" Derek grumbled

"Are you complaining about your company Derek" Carolyn teased

"No, I'm just saying the game is pointless if no one is willing to negotiate"

"Hey, who's butt hurt now?" Meredith teased Derek.

"I'll show you butt hurt" Derek said getting up and picking Meredith up out of her chair.

"Derek stop, put me down" Meredith cried as he carried her outside near the pool.

Everyone followed and laughed as they saw Meredith clinging to Derek as he threatened to throw her into the pool.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd put me down!" Meredith screamed.

"Say that I'm not butt hurt" Derek teased

"Never!" Meredith yelled.

He got closer to the pool

"Say it Mer" he whispered closer to her ear. He could see the same fire behind her eyes as the night when they lost their virginities to the other.

"No" Meredith stated looking into Derek's eyes, daring him to drop her into the pool.

"You leave me no choice then" he told her softly but hesitated on dropping her in. His mind went back to the night he stood outside on Meredith's balcony, her body pressed against his, his hands in her hair and his tongue down her throat. He wanted her, God he wanted her.

Finally he threw her in. She was soaked, her makeup began to come off, she took off her dress and was left in just a thong and a strapless bra.

"Hey Derek" she purred

"Yeah?" he asked coming down to her level and in an instant she had her arms wrapped around him and was pulling him into the pool. Mark and Christina laughed as they saw Derek's perfect hair get tangled in the water. When he rose back up, he noticed that him and Meredith were still tangled in each other and he was too lost in the pool of emeralds staring back at him to notice the audience.

"Derek what are you doing?" Addison asked. Apparently while him and Meredith were teasing eachother, the doorbell had rang and Carolyn had let her in. Carolyn had a smile on her face as she watched the two former lovers with their arms around the other.

Derek quickly left Meredith's embrace and mounted the steps

"I thought you were in Paris" Derek told her and left a quick kiss on her cheek.

"I decided to leave later, I figured we should be together when we tell your mom the news" she whispered

"Oh, right" Derek mumbled running his hands through his hair

"What's going on here?" Addison asked gesturing between Derek and the girl she just recognized as Meredith the girl from the Market.

Derek was quiet looking between Meredith and Addison. Meredith got out of the pool holding the dress she had taken off. Carolyn was quick to hand her a towel which she wrapped around herself.

"Addison this is Meredith, Meredith this is Addison" Derek told them looking uncomfortable.

"Oh God. You're Mer?" Addison said, it dawning on her who exactly she was to Derek. Addison had always heard about the famous 'Mer' who was Derek's first love and first everything really, the girl Derek's mom compared her too and the girl who Derek had said would always have a piece of his heart.

"You two know eachother?" Derek asked bewildered

"We met today at the market" Meredith said quietly then she turned to Derek and gave him a small smile "I guess a congratulations are in order" and with that she stalked back into the house leaving Christina, Mark and Carolyn all confused.

"This is getting good" Christina smiled

"Derek what's going on?" Carolyn asked pointedly.

Derek's eyes followed Meredith into the house, he wanted desperately to follow after her. He put on a fake smile and took Addison's hand. "Me and Addison are getting married mom" Derek said with fake enthusiasm.

"What?" Carolyn shrieked.

"Derek proposed last night" Addison told her future mother in law holding out her hand to show off the ring.

"I'm gonna go get changed" Derek mumbled walking off to find Meredith. He looked around and didn't see her so he made his way into his room figuring she went home. When he got there he saw Meredith with the door wide open changing clothes. She had nothing on, she was stark naked in his bedroom just like old times. He saw her fidgeting with her bra trying to get it over her head and in an instant he was by her side helping her. When it finally came off Meredith looked into Derek's eyes, they were full of lust.

"Thanks" she muttered. He nodded and passed her a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. To anyone else this would seem weird but Derek and Meredith had spent almost every second of their lives together up until three years ago, they had seen eachother naked, hurt, hysterical, happy. In every condition in every which way, they had seen eachother.

Meredith went to leave before she heard Derek "Can you help me Mer?" he asked

Meredith nodded and helped him out of his soaking wet shirt, she slowly pulled it over his head.

"Thanks" he told her.

"Congratulations again" Meredith whispered

Derek nodded.

"I had fun tonight" Derek told her quietly "Felt like old times" he finished.

"Yeah, old times" Meredith repeated and she left the house, Christina would get the hint and be home soon. The love of her life was engaged to someone else, she needed tequila stat.


	5. Chapter 5

I just want to say how sorry I am that I have taken this long to update. Life has been crazy lately and time got away from me. Here is the next chapter for anyone still interested. I'll try to post another chapter by the end of the week. Please review and let me know if ya'll are still interested. All rights to Shonda

Meredith stumbled home and held back the tears. She hadn't allowed herself to cry over Derek since the night he broke her heart and she refused to allow him to make her cry again. Spending the evening with Derek and his family made her realize that maybe this is where she had belonged all along. She had missed Derek ofcourse, that was a feeling that would never go away but Carolyn was the closest thing Meredith had to a real mom and she missed her more than words. Even Mark she realized was like a brother to her and that night had been one of the best nights of her life. She didn't understand why Derek wouldn't tell her he was engaged. In a way she did, yes she was the ex and yes this was their first time speaking in over 3 years, but he acted like he still cared for her. She noticed the way Derek's eyes stayed glued to her, the way she saw him looking at her ass probably envisioning the way it used to feel against him, she saw the sincerity there and the longing, she felt the way he held her for a second too long or looked just too deep into her eyes. Derek was her lover at one point she knew the way his body responded to her but more than that he was her best friend for years and she knew his mind.

She decided to leave the sleeping around behind her when she graduated under-grad however there was nothing she wanted more now then the heat of another body to make her forget her pain for just a little while. She stalked up the steps of her old house and made her way into her old bedroom. She threw Derek's clothes off of her and noticed that what he had given her were the clothes she used to sleep in back when they were together. Her eyes filled with tears but she quickly wiped them back. She grabbed a t-shirt from one of her drawers and sank into her bed. Her old friend Jose Cuervo would be nice right now but she already had enough to drink and this wasn't going to be the solution to her problems any longer.

Derek quietly came down the steps of his childhood home. He had a towel in his hair trying to get it dry. He peeked around the corner to see that Mark had dissapeared and that his mom was no where to be found. Addison sat outside on the patio, her highheels tapping the ground impatiently and her arm swarming away bugs. He took a deep breath, Addison wasn't in a pleasent mood.

"Hey" Derek said as he took a seat beside her on the patio. Addison stared at him with her arms crossed.

"Thats all you have to say?

"What would you like me to say?" Derek asked, his voice emotionless

"How long have you been hanging out with your little ex girlfriend?" Addison asked haughtidly

"She just came back into town, mom invited her to dinner, it wasn't my idea"

"You sure seemed to be having a good time"

Derek raked his hand through his hair " I was"

"Then I showed up right? And ruined it"

"Addison, I'm really not in the mood right now"

"You're not in the mood? Do you think I am happy right now?"

"No I don't but I don't want to fight with you"

"Derek I have never seen you look so happy as I did tonight" Addison muttered softly

"I can't lie to you, tonight was the happiest I've been in awhile"

"I could see that, it was very clear" Addison stated shortly

Derek let out a breath "This engagement, I don't think it was such a good idea"

"You can't just throw away the past two years of our relationship over hanging out with your highschool girlfriend for one night"

Derek shook his head "Addison don't you see the problem with this. The fact that I am willing to let you go after spending two years of my life with you for one night with a girl I haven't spoken to in 3 years. You don't want to marry that"

"Derek, we're perfect together. You can't propose and take it back"

"You are right, tonight was the happiest I've been in a long time and I'm not saying this to hurt you. I'm saying this because you deserve closure. I could marry you Addie, I could. I could pretend to be someone I'm not around your family, I could have dinner with the mayor's and governors, I could have a giant wedding with you that costs a million dollars and I could spend my life with you, but I could also spend my life without you. I don't want to have dinner with the mayor, I don't want a giant wedding and a house in the Hamptoms and I don't want to have to be someone I am not. You deserve someone who wants to do those things, who wants to do them because they care that much about seeing you happy. Someone who can't live without you. I care about you, but if I married you we would have a mediocre marriage filled with almosts and I think both of us deserve more than that"

Tears filled Addison's eyes.

"I thought you were the one Derek" she said quietly

"I know you did, and I am so sorry"

"I guess I knew all along that you still loved her, I could see it, I just wanted you so I figured with time it would fade"

"I want to want you Addison. It would make so much more sense, it would be so much easier, but it's her. It's always been her"

"I know" Addison told him simply

Silence engulped the room

"What should we do about the lease?" she asked after a moment

"Let me take care of it, it's the least I can do. You should go to Paris, be with your family and have a good summer"

Addison nodded "I guess this is goodbye"

Derek nodded "I'm sorry about everything Addie"

"I know" Addison told him and left her ring on the table. She got up and Derek walked her to the door and out to her car. She wrapped her arms around him in a hug

"Take care of yourself, and go tell her before she leaves and you lose her again" she told him with a small smile.

Derek smiled "Have fun in Paris"

"Meredith Grey, I better not see tears when I make it up to your room" Christina yelled as she walked up the steps

"Oh shut up, I'm not crying"

"Thank God" Christina said relieved

"Tonight was interesting" Meredith said and she scooted over to let Christina in the bed.

"Tonight was actually kind of fun, but don't tell Mark I said that. It'll go to his head and he'll want to sleep with me more so than he already does"

Meredith laughed "I'm glad you had fun"

"You had fun too until fire crotch came in and ruined the night. I can't believe McDreamy is getting married, he literally looked like he wanted to tear that dress off of you all ngiht"

"Things between me and Derek are over so over and they have been for a long time"

"Mer, things are so not over. But I'm not letting you pine over some guy so tomorrow night we are going to the city, we're going to drink tequila, dance on the table and sleep with innapropriate men"

"I don't want to do that anymore, I think maybe I want a relationship, like a real one and I don't have time to find that right now. I need to clear out this house so that I can be done with New York once and for all"

"A relationship? Have I had too many beers or did you just say that you want a relationship?"

"It's time to grow up, I'm 22 years old, I have med school, my mother is wasting away in a home and the guy that was the love of my life is marrying someone else. I need to get my shit together"

Christina said nothing and just held her persons hand. There wasn't much Christina could say, even though both her and Meredith could be cold, Christina knew her person was hurting.

"Hey maybe the new chief at your moms old hospital will take pity on you and let you in on some kick-ass surgeries" Christina said hopefully

"Yeah, maybe" Meredith agreed and sunk down into her bed, she just wanted to sleep.

The next morning Meredith woke up at 6 AM to start getting boxes made and cleaned out, potential buyers would be coming in the next couple of weeks and she needed the place to be emaculant. By 10:00 Meredith had cleaned out the foyer, the living room, two of the downstairs bathrooms and her mom and Thatchers old room. As she was cleaning her moms room she noticed a note tucked away. It had sloppy handwriting and a date that was written four years prior. It was a note from her dad that her mother had never bothered to give her.

Meredith tore the note open and there was a letter

 _Hi Meredith,_

 _I know this is a long time over due and if I am correct you are graduating highschool this year. I've never stopped thinking about you and I am sorry, so sorry that I left you. I wish that I could go back and change things but sadly I can't. I would like to be apart of your life if you would let me, even just a small part. You have a sister, well a half sister, her name is Lexi. I think she would really benefit from knowing you. Call me anytime or stop by, you are always welcome._

written at the bottom was an address and telephone number. Meredith scoffed and shoved the letter in her pocket before proceeding to clean out the rest of her moms things. Meredith violently shoved old things of Ellis's into bins for another half hour before she was dripping sweatt. Christina had still yet to wake up and Meredith was fuming. She made her way out of the house slamming the door behind her got into her jeep. She didn't care about the fact that her blonde hair was thrown into a messy bun on top of her head, or the fact that she had no makeup on, or that she was wearing an old Oversized Nirvana t-shirt and shorts so short you couldn't even tell that she was wearing pants. She programmed the address into her phone's GPS and set off. He lived 30 minutes away.

Christina woke up the the doorbell ringing. She groaned but made her way down the steps and looked over what all Meredith had gotten done that day.

"Mer" Christina yelled but got nothing in response. She wiped the sleep out of her eyes and opened the door to see Derek.

"Hey Christina, is Mer home? I didn't see her car"

"I just woke up, you woke me up" Christina deadpanned

"Sorry, I was just hoping to talk to Meredith about last night"

"She probably doesn't want to talk to you"

"Probably not, but I really need to see her. Can I come in and at least wait for her?"

"Sure I guess, it's not my house, it's not like I make the rules"

Christina and Derek sat awkwardly in Meredith's living room staring at each other

"Are you going to keep staring at me?" Derek asked

"Yup"

"Okay, good to know"

"I don't like you" Christina told him

"Your piercing glare told me that"

"Mer is my person, shouldn't you be sitting in your fiance's living room right now?"

"I broke off the engagement"

"How heroic of you" Christina said sarcastically

Meredith made it to the house and put her car in park. The house was homey from what she could see. A white house with black shutters and trees and flowers everywhere. It looked like a happy home. Three cars were in the driveway which meant people were home and she was suddenly losing her balls. She saw a young girl leaving the house 'That must be Lexi' she thought. The girl had brown hair and what looked to be brown eyes, it seemed like she was still in highschool maybe or her first year of college. She saw a man come out after the girl and kiss her on the forehead, he checked her tire and then went back into the house. Meredith felt the color drain her face. Watching the man she remembered to be her dad be someone else's dad felt like someone had stabbed her in the gut. She was furious. She waited until the young girl pulled out of the drive way before Meredith got out of her car and knocked loudly on the door.

A woman with a warm smile answered the door

"Hi, can I help you?" the woman asked

"Yeah, I'm looking for Thatcher Grey" Meredith said with a bit of annoyance, she really wasn't in the mood to be polite to the woman her father chose over her mother or the family he chose over her.

"Alright, I'll go get him. Just one second" the woman said politely. Meredith could see through the crack that the woman was talking to Thatcher. It was muffled but she heard the words young girl and here to see you.

A second later Thatcher was at the door "Hello" he said and then stopped to take the girl in.

"Meredith" he breathed.

"Why did you leave me? You knew she hated me, you knew she never wanted me, and you just left." Meredith rambled

"Would you like to come in?" Thatcher asked clearly uncomfortbale and not knowing what to say or do.

"No"

"Okay, Meredith I...I'm sorry"

"Ellis has altheizmers and she's in a nursing home. I'm selling her house and I just got your letter" Meredith said holding up the letter he had written four years prior

"Why didn't you try harder or fight for me?" Meredith asked tears were in her eyes

Thatcher was so uncomfortable at this point

"Please Meredith, please come in" Thatcher pleaded

"No. I just wanted to see you and to let you know that I turned out okay without you" Meredith went to leave

"Meredith, I know it probably doesn't mean anything coming from me but you are right, you turned out beautiful without my help and I am sorry that I left and that I didn't try harder. I've thought about you every single day. And I'm sorry that your mother is sick"

Meredith didn't turn around at his words but she paused taking in what he said before walking down to her jeep and leaving. Her entire car ride home was filled with sobs and little did she know what was waiting for her when she returned.


	6. Chapter 6

Meredith pulled her jeep back into the familiar drive way and did her best to compose herself before she went inside and faced Christina. She stared solemnly at her old house and felt a wave of sorrow come over her. In 3 months time the house that she spent her childhood and teenage years would no longer be home. She fell in love with the boy next door there, she lost the boy next door there. As much as Meredith tried to always escape it, she would never escape the town and house and people that made her who she was.

She slowly turned the keys out of the ignition and made her way to the front door. She wanted to spend the day lying in bed and feeling sorry for herself but that wasn't going to solve anything and Christina wasn't going to let that happen. She took a deep breath and hoped Christina wouldn't press her for information.

"Hey you up yet?" Meredith asked as she walked in the door

"In here" she heard Christina yell from the living room.

When Meredith entered the room she saw Christina on the couch watching tv and eating a pop tart in her pajamas and then she saw Derek sitting in the chair next to the couch.

"Where'd you go?" Christina asked quickly turning her attention away from the tv for a quick second

"I just had to run an errand" Meredith responded. She could feel Derek's gaze on her

"You okay Mer, you sound sick. If you're sick stay away from me" Christina said

"I'm fine" Meredith said and turned her attention to Derek

Derek stood up and eyed her to suggest they go talk somewhere. Meredith nodded and told Christina she would be back. She lead Derek to the screened in back deck.

"Can we talk about last night?" Derek asked once they were seated. Meredith pulled her knees under her chest and rested her head on her knees.

"What is there to talk about?" Meredith asked tiredly

"I was serious when I said I wanted to be your friend. I don't want things to be weird after last night because I had a really great time with you"

"It was fun, I've really missed your mom"

"And she's missed you, trust me, she has missed you and so have I"

"There's a lot of great time and great memories between us, I think after last night that is undeniable" Meredith responded

"I agree and I would really like to be your friend again, we could have a fun summer just like old times, you, me and Mark and ofcourse now Christina"

"I think I would like that" Meredith said with a smile

"So would I" Derek grinned back at her.

There was silence.

"You should have told me you were getting married, Congratulations by the way"

Derek didn't know what to say "Oh...ugh thanks" he said after a minute and in that moment he had no idea why he didn't tell her the truth, that he called off the engagement. He looked into her green eyes and he wanted so badly to just kiss her and to spend the rest of his life looking into those pools that held back so much sadness. He hated that he was the cause of some of that sadness and he would do anything to take it back, to go back to the selfish S.O.B he was 3 years ago and never give up on her or walk away from her.

"Am I going to be invited to the wedding?" Meredith asked playfully

"Trust me Mer when I get married one day, you most certainly will be there" Derek told her soberly. The way he was looking at her and the way he said that sent shivers up her body. He said it almost like he was trying to tell her something but then the moment was gone and it was replaced by Derek's boyish grin saying something about their childhood but Meredith was zoned out.

"Hey Mer" Derek said as they sat there

"Yeah?"

"You're not fine. Earlier when Christina asked you, you said you were fine but I know that you're not."

"I am fine, I'm just tired"

"Mer, if we're going to be friends again, we have to tell eachother stuff"

Meredith pinched the bridge of her nose

"What is it Mer" Derek asked softly, sensing that something really was wrong.

"I visited my dad this morning" Meredith told him relunctantly

"What happened?" Derek asked

Meredith's eyes filled with tears "I yelled at him"

"Mer, it's okay" Derek told her sympathetically

"I hate him so much Derek" Meredith told him as a tear fell. Derek had his arms around her in an instant.

Once in Derek's arms Meredith broke down in hysterics. Derek rubbed her back and held her close to him

"Shh Mer, you're okay, everything is going to be okay. You have your friends, you have Christina, my mom will always be there for you, and Mark and me. I'll always be here for you from here on out"

"My mom's in...a nursing home...she's dying. And Thatcher...And I have a sister...And I have to sell a house...I don't know how to sell a house Derek...and I'm just...I don't know what I'm doing" Meredith said inbetween sobs.

Derek held her as close to him as possible and played with her hair. He comforted her the same way he always had, it was like no time had ever passed between them. Meredith laid her head on Derek's chest and after a while her breathing slowed as Derek talked to her softy, promising her that she would be okay and that he would be there for whatever she needed. She moved away from him slightly

"Thank you" she told him softly

Derek gave her a weak smile, there was a moment between them. Derek stared at Meredith's lips and Meredith was looking at his. They moved closer but then pulled away.

"You okay?" he asked

"I feel better" she told him

"Good, I should probably get going, I promised Mark we would go fishing" Derek told her almost regretibly.

Meredith offered a small smile "Tell Mark hey from me"

"I definetely will" Derek told her and led her out of the room

Meredith walked with him all the way to the door.

"Are you sure that you're okay, because if you're not I can cancel with Mark"

"Derek, I am fine. Thank you for today"

"It's what best friends are for" and with that he walked back to his house. Meredith's eyes followed him all the way back to his house and when he went to open the door of his house he turned back to look at hers. Her eyes caught his and his face turned into a giant grin before he went inside.

"I'm fucked" Meredith said as she collapsed on the sofa beside Christina

"Wanna play who has it worst, I swear I'll win" Christina replied

"Go for it"

"So while you were with McDreamy probably having eye sex and imagining eachother naked, I got off the phone with my mother. She's coming here to visit next week"

"I saw my father for the first time in 17 years this morning and I'm still in love with Derek"

"You win" Christina conceded

"Told ya"

"Wanna get drunk tonight?" Christina asked

"Yep"

It was ten and Meredith and Christina were getting ready to drive into the city and go bar and club hopping all night. Meredith had on a skin tight black dress that had the back open almost all the way down her spine, it was also cut low in the front and she put on her best push-up bra.

"You look hot" Christina said eyeing her friend in approval. Christina was wearing a red dress that was tight and low cut in the front as well

"So do you" Meredith said back with a smile, she was already feeling much better than she was earlier that day. As they were about to make it to the car they heard the sound of noises coming from Derek's house. Derek and Mark were playing basketball and looked to be right in the middle of a heated game. Derek was dribbling the ball and right before he was about to shoot he looked over and saw Meredith. He felt frozen looking at her and while he was gazing Mark had knocked the ball out of his hand and scored his own point.

Mark was screaming about winning and was trying to get Derek to become upset but Derek was transfixed, he made quick strides to Meredith's drive way. Mark followed after

"Well what do we have here? Aye sexy ladies" Mark said jokingly, his eyes roaming over Christina's body

"Not interested" Christina smirked back

"I'm hurt that you would insinuate that my intentions with you are anything less than pure" Mark said imitating a british accent

"Cut it out Mark, where are you going dressed like that?" Derek asked looking at Meredith

"We're going to a few clubs and bars" Meredith replied

"We're going to drink a shit load of tequila and dance on tables" Christina added

Meredith laughed "That too" she agreed.

"It's probably not safe to go out alone in the city by yourselves dressed like that" Derek argued

"That was sexist" Christina remarked

"I'm just saying, guys are assholes, take Mark for example, you two need to bring someone with you to make sure someone doesn't take advantage of you"

"Hey" Mark yelled out "But he's right and I happen to be free tonight and Derek also happens to be tonight. We would be happy to escort you beautiful ladies around " Mark countered knowing that Derek wanted to go to make sure Meredith didn't fuck around with any other guy

"I mean if they go, we could both get shit faced and not have to worry about any freaky guys" Christina said

"I'm not a child, I don't need someone chaperoning me around" Meredith countered glaring at Christina

"Shut up Mer, we're coming" Mark said with a smirk directed at Derek

"A night out would be nice" Derek agreed.

"Fine" Meredith huffed

"We're grosse though, can you give us like 20 minutes?" Derek asked

"Hurry up" Meredith whined.

Both the boys set off back to Derek's to get ready.

Meredith had already drank half a bottle of tequila and danced with half the guys there. Her and Christina had made their way through numerous clubs and bars dragging the guys along. Derek had watched Meredith very carefully the entire night, yes he didn't want her talking to any guy but more than that he wanted to make sure she was safe and okay.

"Christinaaaaa" Meredith yelled as she hopped on top of a table. Christina laughed and whobbled her way on the table next to her friend. They sang along to some song playing and danced and laughed hysterically. There were guys staring at them but no one was staring as much as Derek. Derek was a few feet away sitting. Two girls were next to him trying to talk but his eyes were too fixated on one woman in particular. Meredith was giggling and holding her bottle of tequila, the hem of her dress was riding up and her long legs were exposed, she looked so happy. He was transported in time to the night he lost his virginity. The same fire that burned for her then was burning for her now. It was like slow motion to him, Meredith's body dancing on top of the table at that strange bar, Meredith's body dancing the night they graduated. Her dress riding up her thighs the night they graduated, her dress riding up her thigh now. Some guy had jumped up on the table with her at this point, quickly his hands had found her ass and his hands were all over her.

Derek was up in a second.

"Mer, come on, time to get down. You too Christina" Derek went to grab Merediths hand and took a quick glance at the crowd to find Mark. He was flirting with some blonde.

"She's a little busy right now dude" the guy touching Meredith said

"She's leaving" Derek told the guy who was grabbing on to Meredith's waist. All Meredith did was laugh.

"Mer, look at me, we have to go"

"I don't wanna go yet Derekkkk" Meredith whined

"She wants to stay" the bar guy said

"Yeah, McDreamy she wants to stay and so do I" Christina informed taking Meredith's tequila bottle and chugging some more.

"Meredith"Derek said firmly

"What are you her boyfriend?" the guy asked

Meredith laughed "He's my ex boyfriend, he broke up with me and he's engaged to someone else" Meredith said while laughing

"Looks like I get you all to myself then" the guy said and slid his hand down to Meredith's ass and squeezed it.

Derek jumped up onto the table and punched the guy clear in the face. Suddenly Mark was at their side.

"We gotta get out of here now" Mark informed Meredith and Christina who seemed to sober up a bit.

Derek was shaking out his hand getting ready for the next punch when Mark pulled his arm

"You're going to get thrown in jail, we need to leave now" Mark informed him

"He was taking advantage of her" Derek yelled wanting to go back and fight him. Mark pulled Derek's arm with one hand and guided Christina and Meredith out with the other. They quickly exited the bar and found the car.

Derek was livid at Mark for making him leave before he really fought the guy. Derek looked back at Meredith in the rear view mirror to see her fast asleep.

"Thank God we went" Mark said quietly

"Thanks so much for coming, we had so much fun" Christina said excitedly, clearly still very drunk.

"Do you guys go out like that a lot?" Derek asked curiously

Christina just shrugged "Yeah" she said after a minute.

Derek hated that. He hated the thought of guys touching Meredith, he hated that she was so sad that she had to drink away her pain still, he hated that he left her that night. When they pulled up back to the house, Derek looked in the rear-view to see that both Meredith and Christina were out.

"Should we bring them back to my house so that we can make sure they're okay?" Derek asked Mark

"Man, they're fine, they've just had too much alcohol, we'll bring them inside and let them sleep it off"

"But Mark, they could have alcohol poisening or Mer might need something in the middle of the night"

"You worry too much and you are too damn in love with that girl"

Derek sighed

"I'll get Mer, you get Christina?" Derek asked and Mark nodded.

Derek existed the passenger seat and went to the back and unhooked Meredith's seatbelt. He gently touched her arm "Hey Mer?" he asked to see if she would wake up. She mumbled something and then continued snoring.

Derek carefully picked her up and through her over his shoulder, Mark did the same with Christina. Derek climbed Meredith's stares and gently placed her on her bed. He pulled out a t-shirt from her drawer and changed her and then covered her with her covers. He moved a few pieces of hair out of her face and took a second to look at her beautiful features. He smiled at her loud snoring and then tucked her into her bed.

He met back up with Mark downstaires.

"We'll check on them in the morning" Mark said and Derek agreed.

Derek and Mark traced back over to Derek's house. Derek was exhausted and ready to sleep but Mark had other plans.

"Man we need to talk before we go inside"

"Okay"

Mark took a seat on the drive way and Derek did the same.

"I've known you your whole life. I have watched you fall in love and break up with that love, I saw you your entire relationship with Addison and I see you now. I'm not the kind of guy that says stuff like this or cares about this stuff but you need to wake the hell up and decide what you're going to do"

"What are you talking about?" Derek asked be-wildered

"I'm talking about Meredith. That girl is going through a lot, I know you love her and I know she loves you too but you can't just spend the summer with her and then go back to school as if nothing has happened or worse, try to make a long-distance relationship work again. She's fucked up Derek and you don't need to make it worse on her"

"I'm not going to make anything worse, I want to help her and be there for her"

"I'm just saying, pay attention. You and I never talked about the breakup, we should have but you just broke up with her and then your dad died and you shut down for awhile and then you dated Addison. She has no one besides her friends at school, you at least have a stable mother who loves you. Don't hurt her again and if you feel like that's not possible than stay away from her this summer"

Derek nodded. His memory flashed back to the night they broke up.

 _It was chilly that May night, they had come back home for the weekend for one of their friends weddings. Derek and Meredith were both part of the wedding party and they had looked forward to this night for months. It was around midnight and Derek and Meredith walked home from the town gazebo._

 _The moonlight illuminated Meredith's face and she looked breath taking._

 _"Derek, you've been quiet all night, what's wrong? Are you worried about your exams?"_

 _There was a moment of silence before Derek went to speak. "Meredith I need to talk to you" he said his voice breaking._

 _"Okay" Meredith said softly_

 _"I've thought so much about this. I don't want to hurt you or abandon you but I can't be in this relationship anymore" Derek told her and the pain on her face melted his insides._

 _"What?" Meredith asked after a second_

 _"Our schools are so far away and I hate the constant commuting every weekend. I want to beable to be fully commited to school. Med school isn't going to be easy to get into and I want a change of pace. I've been glued to you my entire life, I want to know what it's like to be away from you and our relationship."_

 _There was silence "I need to know what it's like"_

 _"You're breaking up with me?" Meredith asked still so confused_

 _"This morning you told me that you loved me and now you're breaking up with me, what did I do?"_

 _"You did nothing wrong and I do still love you, I love you so much but I need to find myself whoever that is and I can't do it with you constantly being there"_

 _"You don't fucking love me or you wouldn't be doing this" Meredith said with such an icy chill it caused Derek to shutter_

 _"It's been the two of us 24/7 my entire life, I need a break from you" Derek said icily matching her chill_

 _"I'm sorry that having me as a friend and a girlfriend has been so God damn hard on you Derek" Meredith snapped_

 _"You know something it has been hard on me, you're so fucking emotionally taxing sometimes Mer, I swear to God I want to rip my hair out"_

 _"I'm emotionally taxing? I'm sorry Derek that I don't have a perfect mother and father who cater to my every selfish wish and demand. I'm sorry my mother hates me and my father left me." Meredith yelled_

 _"Oh that's so not fair. I have no control over your family life and I was there for you through every fucking thing you've been through. Your drinking, your emotional problems, your trust issues. I've spent my whole life being there for you and right now what I need is to be there for me"_

 _"I cannot believe you are doing this to me. We grew up together, I stopped the binge drinking, I've been in a better place. Why now?"_

 _Derek said nothing_

 _"Huh? Why fucking now?" Meredith yelled coming up and punching him in the chest_

 _"Because I don't think I love you anymore" Derek snapped and Meredith's eyes filled with tears. This was the only way and he knew it._

 _"I hate you" Meredith sneered_

 _"I can't take you anymore. I can't do this"_

 _"I never want to see you again Derek, ever." Meredith told him and stalked off to her door._

 _"Meredith" Derek called out and went up to her door._

 _He grabbed her wrists_

 _"I don't want to hurt you, I don't want you to think you did anything wrong, I'm just not the same person anymore"_

 _"You just told me that I am emotionally taxing and that you don't love me anymore, get off of my fucking property and stop feeding me your bullshit lines so that you can feel better about the fact that you're doing something shitty to the one person that knows you and loves you more than anyone else"_

 _Derek released her wrists "You have to understand Meredith, that I just need a break"_

 _"I understand loud and clear, and I hope you understand that I never want to speak to you again"_

 _"Don't say that"_

 _"I mean it Derek, if you leave me now, I never want to speak to you again"_

 _Derek stared into her green eyes for a moment_

 _"I'm so sorry Meredith but I have to do what's best for me, for once"_

Here's the next update! I hope ya'll enjoy and please review!


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you guys so much for the reviews! A lot of you said that they wouldn't post, I have no idea what is going on with that! I really appreciate you guys taking the time out of your days to leave me a little comment. When you write something its always really nice to hear that people are enjoying it! Here is the next chapter, it's mostly for progression reasons and to foreshadow stuff thats going to happen in future chapter. This honestly wasn't a chapter I enjoyed writing all that much it was very necessary for the plot line. Enjoy.

A week had passed since the night at the bar and Meredith and Christina spent the week clearing out the house since there would be a few showings within the next week.

"It only took forever, but look at this place" Meredith marveled at her child-hood home completely clear and clean from the massive piles of stuff Ellis had let collect there over the years.

"I'm never cleaning anything again" Christina moaned as she crossed her arms but admired the character of the house

"Um unless you plan on hiring a maid when it's your week to clean the bathroom at the apartment, you'll be cleaning again" Meredith said with a smirk

"You know most people would just say thank you to their best friend who so kindly is spending her summer cleaning out an old smelly house"

"Hey, it only took us one week and you barely helped, plus you get to live here rent free and away from your mom."

"Fine you win" Christina conceded

"Derek and Mark will get the rest of these boxes out and put them in storage later, what do you wanna do today?" Meredith asked

Christina shrugged "We haven't really done anything around town" Christina suggested

"There's not a lot to do around here"

"Well what did you do in your free time, I can't watch anymore tv today"

"I'll take you to the river! Go put on your swim suit and we'll leave in like 20" Meredith said excidely.

The girls quickly got ready and took the short drive down to the river where Meredith had grown up. She spent so many summers playing in the river and dancing around barefoot, it was one of her favorite places in the whole town. Meredith took her shoes off and motioned for Christina to follow her into the water. It was a particularly hot June day and both girls were sweatting bullets. Both stripped down to just their bikini tops and shorts.

After a short distance the sandy feeling left and was replaced by sharp rocks.

"Ow Mer, there's too many rocks" Christina moaned

"Oh my God, Christina shut up! And just enjoy life" Meredith groaned

Christina didn't respond and the two kept walking. About ten minutes into the trail they caught sight of some other people that were having a picnic.

"We should've brought food" Christina remarked

"I know, I'm starving"

One of the girls Meredith noticed eating was a girl she knew from highschool "Izzie, hey!" Meredith called out with a wave

"Meredith is that you?" the tall blonde asked coming around to hug Meredith

"I haven't seen you since graduation! How have you been?" the blonde asked excidedly

"I'm good, this is my friend Christina, we're home for the summer just to clean out my old house"

Izzie offered a small smile "I'm sorry about your mom" Izzie said sincerly

"Thanks, so what have you been up to?"

"Well I finished my undergrad and I got into Darthmouth for med school, I can't wait!"

"We actually go to Darthmouth, we're living in an apartment right off campus, we'd be happy to show you around once you're up there" Meredith said with a smile

"We would?" Christina asked

Meredith jabbed Christina in the side to get her to shut up

"That would be great, I actually don't know anyone there at all"

"It's a great school and you'll make friends. You can meet our other two roomates, Alex and George" Meredith assured her

The girls swapped numbers and Meredith promised that as soon as they were back at school they would give Izzie a call

"You guys are welcome to join us, we have plenty of food" Izzie said motioning over to her group of friends and their picinic all set up.

"Good, I'm starving" Christina said and began to walk over

"I mean if you don't mind, we are pretty hungry" Meredith agreed

"Yeah, I'll introduce you to everyone" Izzie chirped.

They walked a few feet to where a couple of guys and girls sat, one had a guitar and was singing something while others were eating or dipping their feet in the rocks.

"Guys this is Meredith and Christina, me and Meredith went to highschool together"

They met a redhead girl named April, a girl named Callie and her girlfriend Arizona, a guy named Jackson another guy named Owen, as well as a guy named Finn.

Everyone said hello and Christina immediatly opened the picnic basket and pulled out a burger

"Thank you, thank you so much" Christina said with a mouth full of the burger eating like she hadn't seen food in days. Everyone laughed

"Might want to slow down there, you might choke" A guy with reddish-blonde hair said with a smile

"You're Owen, right?" Christina asked

"I am" the guy said

"Okay Owen, mind your own business" Christina said and went back to focussing on her burger

"You know, I'm the one who cooked those. If you're not nice to me, I'll take it back" Owen joked

Christina shoved the last piece in her mouth and grinned "When I shit later tonight I'll let you know and you can come take it"

"Ew Christina" Meredith grimaced

"What its the truth? How are you going to be a doctor Mer, if you can't even deal with a little feces?"

"You're going to be a doctor?" Owen asked Meredith

"Yeah, me and Christina are both in med school. We want to be surgeons"

"That's what all of us here are in school for" Izzie said chiperly

"What field are you looking to go into?" Owen asked Christina

"Surgery" Christina said with a duhh expression

Meredith took a seat next to Finn

"Hey" she said with a smile as she sat down and he grinned back at her

"Izzie said your name was Meredith right?"

"Yeah and you're Finn?" Meredith asked

"Yes, it's nice to meet you Meredith"

"You too, are you from around here, I don't remember you from highschool?"

"Oh no I'm not from here, I'm just going to NYU and I met Izzie and this group"

Meredith took a couple bites of her own burger when she looked back at Finn he was laughing at her

"What?" she asked.

"You have a little something right there" Finn said pointing at her chin

Meredith tried to get it off but Finn ended up helping her. He got close to her face and brushed off the excess mustard.

"Thanks" Meredith said softly with a smile

"No problem" Finn replied but he didn't back off from how close he had moved towards her. When Meredith broke their gaze, she saw Izzie looking at her suggestively with a grin.

Suddenly Meredith noticed that Christina was no longer with the group.

"Hey, where'd Christina go?" Meredith asked

"Her and Owen hiked a little farther" a girl named April responded

"Oh, well I should probably go find her" Meredith said standing up

"Finn will go with you" Izzie shouted and gave Finn the eye to follow Meredith

He got up "After you" he said and followed behind her

"You didn't have to follow me, you know" Meredith told him a minute or so into the hike

"It's fine, I was actually tired of hearing Jackson on that damn guitar"

Meredith laughed "Yeah, he's not the best"

"Not at all" Finn agreed smiling.

"So are you in town all summer?" Finn asked

"I think so, I'm trying to sell my moms house and since I can't move back into my apartment at school until late August, I figured might as well enjoy the rent free perks"

"Smart girl, I'm actually staying with Jackson, he lives right around here but as soon as school starts back I'll be back living in the city"

"I love the city" Meredith remarked

"So do I, there's something magical about it, especially at night"

"Yes! That's exactly how I feel" Meredith told him

"We should go into the city one night, all of us. It would be fun especially to be shown around by a New York native" Finn said with a wink

"Yeah, whenever you're free let me know and we can get everyone together"

"Definately"

Meredith heard a noise and then saw Owen pinning Christina against a tree as they made out. Owens hands were all over her body and Christina seemed to be enjoying herself

"This is slightly awkward" Finn said with a small smile

"Yeah, I guess she's fine?" Meredith asked

Finn laughed a little "Do you want to go get her or leave her there, Owens a nice guy. He won't hurt her"

"She knows what she's doing, I'll let her have her fun"

They walked back to the picnic and soon after Christina and Owen returned. Meredith gave Christina a knowing glare and Owen's cheeks turned red.

They spent the rest of the day hiking and having fun with the group on their way back home Meredith noticed that Christina looked geuninally happy for the first time the whole trip

"He was that good huh?" Meredith asked with a smirk

"I don't know what you're talking about" Christina replied and looked out of the window

"Mhm, well I expect details eventually"

"Well I want details about you and Finn, Ms. I don't have time to find a boyfriend"

"Finn was cute but thats it"

"You two were flirting" Christina deadpanned

"We were not. He's just a nice guy"

"It wasn't McDreamy level but you two were totally having eye- sex"

"Stop saying eye sex" Meredith groaned

"eye sex, eye sex, eye sex, eye sex"

"I hate you so much" Meredith said as she pulled the jeep into the drive way.

"I'm your person, you love me"

"I love you even though right now I hate you"

Christina hopped out of the car and waved to Mark who was sitting outside with Derek.

They made their way over.  
"We wondered where you ladies were all day, we're going to a party tonight, you're coming"

"We're tired" Christina responded

"Yeah, you guys are going to have to have fun without us" Meredith told them as she locked her jeep

"Where were you two all day anyways?" Derek asked

"The river, remember Izzie Stevens from highschool?" Meredith asked them

"Blonde chick, big boobs, yup" Mark responded

"You're such an ass" Meredith told him

"I'm just saying." Mark responded with a shrug

"Anyways we ran into her and a group of her friends and hung out there all day"

"You should've asked us to come, we've been bored all day" Derek groaned

Meredith laughed "You two need to go make friends, and stop relying on us"

"But you two are so much fun" Mark said with a wink

"Why is it that you can make everything dirty?" Meredith asked

"Because he's Mark" Derek replied

"Oh, yeah how could I forget?" Meredith replied with a laugh

"So what are you two going to do tonight?" Mark asked

"Probably watch movies and order take out" Christina said with a shrug

"Lame, come out with us" Mark pleaded

"Why do you want us to go so bad?" Christina asked

"Because you guys are fun" Mark argued

Meredith looked at Derek waiting for the real reason, when her eyes met his he knew Mark's gig was up.

"Mark give it up, just tell them" Derek said

"So last week you both got totally shit-faced and we being the kind gentleman that we are took care of you, so it's your turn. Derek and I are getting drunk off our asses tonight and you two are our baby sitters"

Meredith scoffed "One, you're yougentleman and two you guys begged us to let you come"

"We did not beg" Derek interjected

"That's not the point, the point is we need a DD and you two are the best options, either you two or mama Shep and she has a date tonight" Mark told them

"Mama Shep has a date? With a man?" Meredith asked

"Creepy right?" Derek asked

"Isn't it sad Mark that a 60 year old woman gets more action than you?" Christina asked

"Can you please not talk about my mom getting it on right now" Derek asked

"I'll have you know that I get plenty of between the sheets time" Mark smirked

"Okay grosse, me and Christina are tired and we are not baby sitting the two of you tonight. Either don't get shit faced or find someone else" Meredith replied

"So un fair" Mark complained to Derek

"You knew it was going to be a long shot" Derek responded

"I know" Mark groaned.

The boys made their way back over to Derek's house and left Meredith and Christina to their girls night.

Okay so this chapter didn't have a lot of Mer/Der but I needed a filler chapter to pro-long the process and to show them getting back to being friends. I promise next chapter will have a lot of Meredith and Derek together. As always please review, I love reading them so much!


	8. Chapter 8

Meredith was laying outside of her house, her long blonde hair left carefree from a night of sleep, her tan skin glistening in the sun and hrteemerald eyes covered with sun glasses. Her fit body was barely contained in a tiny black bikini and Derek Shephered could not look away. It was early in the morning a little after seven and he could already tell today was a hot one. He decided to stop being creepy staring at Meredith from his bedroom window and made his way downstairs to pour himself some cereal and find something to do until Mark woke up. He entered his kitchen to see his mom sitting on a bar stool reading the paper and sipping a cup of coffee.

"Morning" she said with a grin as Derek strolled in and kissed her on the cheek

"Morning Ma" he told her and then checked the cupboards for his cereal of choice.

"There's some extra coffee in the pot, if you want some" Carolyn informed him

"Thanks" he said as he poured himself a cup of the hot liquid. He brought the mug to his lips and took a sip. Derek looked past his mom to get a better view of Meredith's front yard where she was currently laying out getting a tan.

"Meredith's up early" Carolyn said with a small smile

"Oh, is she" Derek said non-chalantly and went back to focussing on his coffee

"You are so transparent you know that? And so is she for that matter"

Derek grinned at his mom like a chesire cat "I have no idea what you are talking about" he told her and picked up an apple off the counter and decided that would be a faster breakfast. His eyes went back to her front yard and he decided he would just go talk to her.

He quickly took a few bites out of the apple and tossed the core into the trash.

"I'm going to go shoot some hoops" Derek told his mother

"Mhm, have fun" she said with a knowing look.

Derek opened the door and picked up his basketball before tossing it into the hoop, while it was dribbling to the ground Derek was walking over to Meredith's house. Carolyn smiled as she saw Derek going to talk to Meredith.

"You look like a rat that just escaped getting caught in the trap but still got the cheese" Mark remarked sleepily as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and took a sip of Carolyn's coffee out of her mug.

"Marcus, there is plenty of coffee in the pot, and Derek is over there talking to Meredith"

Mark followed Carolyns eyes and saw Derek approaching Meredith.

"Hopefully he's making plans for us today, Mer and Christina have been busy lately with Izzie and their new friends"

"I need your help today Marcus, leave Derek be"

"I know what you're up to" Mark said picking up Carolyn's mug again and drinking a gulp of her coffee

Carolyn swatted his chest " put those two alone in a room together, they'll be back together in no time"

Mark and Carolyn went back to just watching Derek and Meredith interact.

"Hey Mer" Derek said walking over. Meredith couldn't help but swoon over him. She loved the way he looked when he just woke up. She was quickly reminded of many mornings when she would wake up curled in Derek's arms and she would try to tame his dark unruly morning hair while he tickled her and told her how much he loved her. She always thought Derek looked amazing but there was something so innocent about him early in the mornings that she couldn't help but love.

"Hey you" she said with a smile

"Can I sit?" Derek asked motioning to the towel she had laid out

Meredith gave him a smile and patted the towel before she sat up to talk to him.

"Mom said she saw you out here so I figured since Mark wasn't up yet I would come check on my favorite neighbor"

"I talked to your mom this morning, and your favorite former neighbor. The house won't be mine for much longer"

"That's right, I keep forgetting that you're selling it. It'll be weird when I come home for breaks and it's not you living next door"

"It's not like we spoke in the last 3 years anyways" Meredith said with a shrug

"That's true but we're speaking again now and those three years of silence didn't erase the fact that you and I grew up together"

Meredith offered Derek a sad smile

"Do you ever miss it? The way it was? Life was just so simple then" Meredith asked him

"I miss it all the time Mer" Derek told her sincerly

There was silence

"So do you plan on sun bathing all day, or do you want to do something?" Derek asked with a smile, changing the serious mood back to a playful one.

Meredith grinned "Depends on what the something entails"

"I'm thinking that a day spent with my oldest friend is long overdue, and I want to correct that" Derek quipped

"Oh yeah? And what would you like to do today?"

"It's a suprise, but you'll have fun. Do you trust me?" Derek asked

"I do" Meredith told him sincerly

"Go put some actual clothes on and come to the house when you're ready, I can wait as long as you need, oh and Mark was wanting to spend the day with Christina to get to know her better so just us" Derek lied

"You know that Mark has zero chance right? Christina is never going to sleep with him"

"You know that and I know that, but you know Mark. He has to try" Derek told her smiling.

Meredith laughed "I'll be over soon and tell Mark to keep his hands to himself today"

Derek grinned at her before quickly walking back over to his house. Carolyn and Mark quickly turned their attention away from the scene unfolding and pretended to be interested in the paper.

"Did you hear about that Wendy's that burned down right off Salem road?" Carolyn asked Mark pointing at a picture in the paper as soon as Derek walked in the door

"Oh, I didn't hear about that. Did anyone get hurt?" Mark asked

"You two can stop now, I could feel your eyes all the way across the street" Derek told them

"So, what happened with Mer?" Mark asked.

Derek frowned at him before going over to the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water

"Nothing" Derek told him

"Come onnnnn" Mark groaned

"I need you to keep Christina entertained today, Meredith and I are going out just the two of us" Derek said with an easy smile.

"So something did happen" Carolyn asked, joy lighting up her face

"We're just friends spending the day together Ma, it's not a big deal"

"It's not a big deal? Two weeks ago you two weren't even on speaking terms and hadn't been in years. This is a very big deal Derek Christopher and you better not ruin things again. I had to go three years without my daughter because of your carelessness" Carolyn said sternly

"Once again, Mer is not your daughter because that would make her my sister which is way too creepy"

"You know exactly what I mean"

Derek smiled at his mom "Trust me, I'm not ruining anything with her ever again if I can help it"

Carolyn was going to respond but was interupted by a knock at the door.

Derek opened it to see Meredith's smiling face "Hey, is this okay? I didn't know what we were doing?" Meredith asked nervously.

"You look great" Derek said scratching the back of his neck. She could have been wearing a trash bag and he would have thought she looked beautiful. Meredith looked in around the house

"Oh, sorry yeah come in" Derek said nervously opening the door for her

Carolyn smiled when she saw Meredith "Well don't you look beautiful"

Meredith blushed "Thank you"

"Where are you two going today?" Carolyn asked, hoping that Meredith would be more forth coming with information than her son was.

"I have no idea, Derek said it's a suprise" Meredith responded and turned her gaze to smile at Derek for the last part. Derek returned her smile with a grin of his own

"Are you ready to go?" he asked her

"Yeah, but Mark do not bother Christina today. She's still sleeping and probably will be until 12. I texted her and told her I wouldn't be around and that she could hang out with you. No weird stuff okay" Meredith told him with a stern glare

"I would never" Mark said dramatically and put a hand over his heart

"Mhm, thats what I thought" Meredith told him

"We'll be back tonight" Derek told his mom and Mark

Meredith waved bye and they were outside headed to Derek's old truck that he's had since his junior year of highschool. Meredith got into the truck and took a look at the backseat, Derek's eyes followed hers and a grin creeped onto his face

"Are you thinking about that one time"

"Yup" Meredith told him

"I never knew how flexible you were until then" Derek told her hoping that it wouldn't come off as awkward. Meredith giggled.

"I think we both learned about the other's flexibilty a lot that night"

"Oh I agree" Derek said with a smirk

"Don't do that again" Meredith said laughing

"What?"

"You looked and sounded so much like Mark, it was scary" Meredith told him amused

"I apologize" Derek told her with a teasing grin that Meredith couldn't help but laugh at.

"I love your laugh" Derek told her sincerly. Meredith looked at him and he looked away from the road for a second to look back at her. Her cheeks redended slightly and Derek focussed his attention back to the road. There were a few minutes of silence.

"So where are we going?" Meredith asked to break the silence

"That is still a suprise" Derek told her smiling.

Meredith pouted

"Don't pout" Derek told her

"You're not even looking at my face, I am not pouting"

"Oh, you are. I don't have to look at you to know what your expression is right now" Derek teased

"Can I get atleast a hint?" Meredith asked

"Nope"

"I hate you"

Derek grinned.

"We're in New York City" Meredith said her eyes lighting up.

"You've always loved the city Mer, I wanted to give you a break from all the stress I know you've been under and take you somewhere, where I knew you would be happy"

Meredith wanted to cry, his thoughtfulness and geuininess was beautiful. She knew that he still loved her, there was no way that he couldn't.

"Thank you Derek" she said in amazement

"You're welcome" he told her and placed a hand on her knee for just a second.

"So where are we going to first?" Meredith asked

"Well, I was thinking we could start off by feeding the geese at central park, then we could explore the city, especially Little Italy and each lunch at Pellegrino's, followed by Time Square, then tonight we can go to Coney Island" Derek told her his detailed plans

"Derek" Meredith said almost out of breath.

He was re-creating their first date, down to every detail.

"It should be fun" Derek told her trying to loosen the mood but if he was being honest a lump was forming in his own throat.

"Derek" Meredith repeated again

"I just..." Derek started and ran a hand through his hair "I just miss you Meredith. I want you back in my life. I miss my best friend" Derek told her honestly, trying to hold back the lump in his throat.

Meredith was silent for awhile. They were sitting in the car outside of central park and all she could do was look ahead at a group of kids running around with a frisbee.

"I'm sorry if" Derek started

"I miss you too" she said cutting him off

She turned and looked at him "I have missed my best friend too"

Derek nodded "Lets move forward Mer" he whispered

Meredith nodded and he in turn gave her a grin as they got out of the car and started their stroll around central park.

The stroll around the park was quiet until they came across the geese. Derek laughed as a goose chased Meredith and she playfully would hit him in return for laughing. They both laughed so much and were both in great moods by the time they made it to little Italy. They ate lunch at the resteraunt where they had their first date and drank wine and laughed and laughed more. By the time the evening rolled around Meredith couldn't wait until Coney Island.

It was late at night on the boardwalk and the wind was blowing Meredith's long blonde hair. The moon was casting light on her skin and Derek couldn't keep himself from looking at her. Her face held almost no makeup but he never thought she looked more beautiful. The day spent outside gave her even more of a bronze glow. She wore a pair of highwasted short blue jean shorts and a bandeu top that showed off her lean stomach. Her long legs were on display and her feet were clad with a pair of beat up white converse. She was running around and playing the games like a child and seeing her so happy made his heart swell.

"Derek come here!" Meredith shouted as she was far ahead of him looking for the dunk tank game she loved. He jogged to meet up with her.

"I want to win that one" she said pointing to a giant teddy bear hanging from the top of the game tent.

"I believe in you" Derek told her with an amused grin

"I just need an oponent Der" she told him with a grin.

He smiled and took a seat beside her.

He put a few quarters in both of their coin slots

"You ready to lose?" Derek asked

Meredith laughed "You know I'm great at this game" she told him with a coy smile

"Mhm, we'll see" he told her as the game started. As it turned out Meredith won and claimed her prize

"I don't see why you wanted this giant bear if you were going to make me lug it around" Derek said as he adjusted the bear in his arms for the 100th time that night

"Its for your mom. Last time we came here I won her that other one and she loved it" Meredith told him

"I forgot about Sir Donahue" Derek laughed

"That name was so strange but it made her happy" Meredith smiled

"It did" he agreed

"Derek the ferris wheel" Meredith exclaimed and grabbed his hand and dragged him to the ferris wheel.

The line was short and Meredith looked almost giddy watching the ferris wheel circle around. Derek smiled down at her, her hapiness in this moment was infectous and he couldn't help becoming giddy too.

They walked on to the seats and Meredith got in first followed by Derek. Derek helped Meredith secure the seatbelt over the both of them.

"I forgot how much you love the ferris wheel" Derek told her as he could see the excitement bubbling in her eyes

"My last memory of my dad, well besides seeing him the other day, is when he took me to a carnival and I road the ferris wheel for the first time"

Derek could see the sadness in Meredith's eyes

He took her hand and gaveit a squeeze, she smiled at him and squeezed his hand back. The ride began and any amount of sadness Meredith had dissapaited as soon as the ride started.

Derek took out his cell phone and video taped Meredith

"Mer this one's for Facebook" Derek said with a laugh

The video could see Meredith reaching for Derek's phone "Derek Shephered I will throw that phone to the ground and you won't have one anymore"

"Oh you will not" he told her with a grin and turned the camera around to face him and smiled and waved

"I so will" she teased

"Today we have Meredith Grey, live from the Coney Island Ferris Wheel, Meredith can you tell us what the weather is like from all the way up here" Derek said seriously in a British accent

"Well Derek, can I call you Derek?" Meredith asked playing along

"Certainly" he replied still mocking the accent

"The weather is a little chilly actually and it looks like it's begginning to rain" Meredith told the camera as it began to drizzle

"Good thing I have a state of the art camera protector, so tell us Meredith, what would you do if I began to rock the seat and you happened to fall out"

"Derek" Meredith warned. At this point the rain was coming down hard and Meredith's wet hair was begginning to curl.

Meredith and Derek's boat was all the way at the top and Derek started rocking it

"I am going to break your phone if you do not stop" Meredith said half with a smile

"That's not very professional" Derek told her still imitating the accent

"I hate you"

"No you don't"

"I so do."

All of a sudden Derek started hysterically laughing and Meredith couldn't help doing the same even though she tried to keep herself from even cracking a smile. They were laughing so hard that tears were coming down both of their eyes. When they finally stopped laughing, they looked at eachother and it was magnetic.

"You're so beautiful" Derek whispered as he pushed a wet curl behind Meredith's ear. As she was about to reply the ride had ended and people were waiting for them to get up.

"Oh sorry" Meredith said hopping up and avoiding Derek's gaze.

"Yeah sorry" Derek mumbled and scooted out of the seat and away from the ride.

They both knew that this was the conclusion of their trip and made their way back to Derek's truck. At this point the rain was coming down heavy and both were soaking wet. Derek reached in the back and handed Meredith an old purple zip up of hers from highschool.

Meredith took it and looked at him with a questioning gaze

"I meant to get rid of it, but I couldn't" he told her sincerly

"There's still a box of your stuff I have in storage, I get it" she told him

He nodded.

"I had fun with you tonight" Meredith told him with an easy smile

"I'm glad" Derek said with a smile. Meredith layed her head against the passenger window and looked out at the rain

"I feel like I'm seventeen again Derek" Meredith whispered

"Well I mean that sweatshirt still fits you" Derek replied

She turned and looked at him. "Thats not what I mean, this everything. The way you keep looking at me. I feel like I'm seventeen years old again in lo-" she stopped herself

"In what Meredith?" he asked her

"Nothing, nevermind"

"In love" Derek finished for her but it wasn't a question, it was a statement.

Meredith said nothing and the rest of the ride home was spent in silence. Derek pulled up into Meredith's drive way and from the short walk from the driveway to her door they were both soaking wet.

"Thanks for walking me to the door and thanks for tonight"

"Yeah, anytime" Derek responded distantly.

"Okay, well goodnight" Meredith said matching his distant tone.

Derek turned to leave but was half way back to his truck when Meredith spun around.

"I don't get you" she yelled back to him. Mascara was running down her face from the rain, her clothes clung to her body

"What's to get Mer?" he asked her sadly

"Damnit Derek, you keep my fucking sweatshirt in your truck for 3 years after we haven't even spoken to eachother. You're engaged to someone else. Someone else Derek. You never even talk about her and then you take me out for the day and completely recreate our first date. You look at me, and you touch me and you hold my hand when I'm sad and you act like'"

"I act like what?" Derek asked angrily

"Like you are still fucking in love with me. But you're not, because you moved on. But I didn't move on Derek"

"Don't say that, don't you dare say that" he yelled at her coming to meet her near her door. She beat him too it and was already at his truck.

"Say what?" she asked venimously. She was seething

"That I'm not in love with you, that I moved on. Don't you dare say that" he yelled.

"Why the hell not Derek? You left me. God, you left me and I loved you so much" her voice broke.

"You think it was easy to walk away from you? You think I haven't regretted it every second since I did it? You think I don't hate myself for it? God damnit Mer, I never stopped loving you. Ever" he yelled at her.

Meredith was breathing heavy and he was doing the same. His entire body was soaking wet and his hair was glued to his forehead. Meredith was panting. What little clothes she had on were soaked and her hair was glued to her face. Her face was angry and out of breath and Derek couldn't not have her at that moment.

In one swoop he had her in his arms and his lips were on hers. He was so angry and he was using that anger to kiss her. He walked her to her front door. He was still picking her up and kissing her and managed to get inside. He knew that house and he had done this a million times. As he walked her up the staircase with his mouth all over hers, he took off her top until her front was completely bare. They made their way to Meredith's bed and he through her down on to it. As he was lying on top of her kissing her he moved down to kissing her breasts and then her stomach as he removed her shorts. At this point Meredith could barely breathe as he pulled down her her pants and kissed between her thighs. Meredith moved him over and took off his shirt and his pants all while kissing all over his face, neck and shoulders. They were magetic.

Derek removed her panties and she removed his boxers until they were both staring at eachother completelty naked, angry and panting.

Derek quickly resumed back to kissing her. He bit her lip and pulled her hair, she reciprocated by biting down on his lip enough to hurt him. He knew she hurt him on purpose and it turned him on even more. He bit her back harder now and growled in her ear.

"Fuck you" she whispered angrily in his ear

He took this as ammunition and slapped her ass until he knew it would leave marks all over her. Quickly he entered her and Meredith felt her breath knock out of her. They were going at a fast pace and both were attacking eachothers faces with kisses and Derek was pounding into her as if he would never get to do this again and Meredith was keeping up with the rhythem. They were both completely soaked no longer from the rain and their sweatt mixed together. It didn't take long for Meredith to finish and Derek finished quickly after her.

Derek got up out of her bed after a second and through on his pants and shirt.

He walked out of her room but then came back in and hovered near the door way.

"I broke it off with Addison, because I still love you. Today was to show you that. I know you want to sell this house and I know you want to leave New York and never look back but I think you should look back. I'm never going to leave you again, your family is here and I don't mean your dead beat dad or your mother who was never a mother, I mean Mark, and my mom and me. The ball is in your court Meredith" he told her and left her house.

Meredith sat there with tears in her eyes. What had just happened?

Please review guys! I'm so excited we got to the good part!


	9. Chapter 9

Meredith woke up the next morning feeling numb. She had sex with Derek. Mind blowing, amazing, angry sex with Derek. There was no love making, it was pure fucking but somehow it was the most love she had recieved in the longest time. Derek told her he still loved her and that scared her more than anything. She didn't want to be that girl who ran away and hid from love but he destroyed her.

 _It had been a solid week since Derek had ended things with her. She spent every day since that day downing a bottle of tequila to get her mind off of him. She didn't know where she was. She knew she was at a party, probably to celebrate the end of the semester. She was drunk that she knew, and she was probably high, high off something maybe pain pills, weed, she didn't know._

 _She didn't want to go back home. She would be going home to nothing. Her mother would be busy with surgeries all summer and she no longer had Derek which meant she probably didn't even have Mark to call a friend any longer. Carolyn was Derek's mom not hers so she couldn't go to Carolyn either. She was absoultely and utterly alone._

 _She looked at her reflection in the mirror of some bathroom in some dingy apartment where some party was going on. It was loud and the walls were vibrating with the music. She looked at herself. She was thinner than usual, she had dark bags under her eyes and she was pale. Her eyes were bloodshot from the alcohol or maybe the weed. She was dressed in barely nothing. She wanted to feel close to someone. Someone banged on the door and she opened it._

 _"Hey, can I get in here?" a tall guy with glasses asked her. You could tell it was his first time at a party and Meredith found him enchanting. She quickly pinned him to a wall and kissed him. He was taken by suprise but instantly began kissing her back. His mouth didn't taste like Derek's. That was okay. He didn't feel like Derek, he didn't look like Derek, he didn't kiss like Derek, or hold her like Derek. He wasn't Derek. And in that moment, that was okay._

 _That was the first time Meredith had a one night stand. The first of many. She was never that kind of girl, she had just lost her virginity a year prior but Derek killed that girl. Her father abandoned her, the love of her life abandoned her. Her own mother never wanted her and the only people she had were the few friends she made at college. The old Meredith was gone, the happy, free spirit that fell in love with the boy next door. She was gone. Tequila and Derek killed that girl, now she was someone else._

Her mind kept going back to the night she slept with someone other than Derek, the night that changed her morals and her character. She spent the first year without Derek being someone she wasn't. She slept around a lot, that was something she wasn't proud of and something she didn't want Derek to ever find out. She relied heavily on booze. Her sophomore year was a disaster but then she became friends with Christina and Alex and George. They became her people and she became happier. She began to get over Derek as much as she could. She smiled again and had fun again. She didn't drink as much and her grades inproved. Alex was so protective of her, like a big brother and a lot of the time he kept her from going home with random guys. Her and Christina had fun together and studied together, they pushed eachother. By her senior year she was happy again. She wasn't the same person she was when Derek was in her life. She still missed him but she was okay without him. She liked her classes and her friends and her school. The group of four decided to get an apartment together for med school and she couldn't have been more excited. She was finally fixed and she had a clear direction for her future and then she recieved a phone call. Her mother had Altheizmers. Her mother never bothered to tell her. It was the hospital that called when Ellis had to go in for an appendicitis. It was April of her senior year and everything was set. She would be back packing around Europe with Christina and then when they got back, her Alex, George and Christina would move into their apartment and begin classes. However her mother's altheizmers had advanced to a stage where she now needed 24 hour care. Meredith spent from April to May coming home every weekend and staying with her mother at the care facility. She took her final exams mid May and was home to clean out the house to sell it. Ellis had more than enough money to pay for the home, Meredith's education and a trust fund but the house was signed over to Meredith's name and Meredith didn't have any need for the house. She wanted clean ties from New York once and for all. Before she left New Hampshire she found a care facility close to campus and decided she would move her mom, she would spend the summer cleaning out the house, sell it, and never ever look back. It was a perfect plan until Derek came along. She figured that they would avoid eachother all summer. After all, they hadn't spoken in three years. Meredith Grey was good at avoidence. She would be lying if she said she never thought about him. She thought of him constantly but he gave up on her. He left her and for awhile there he destroyed her. He left her with nothing. She could never bring herself to hate him but she would never let him back in her life, even if he tried. She used to wonder if her and Derek would ever speak again, or why he left her, or why he never tried to talk to her. She was his best friend his entire life after all, but then she stopped seeking answers because the damage was done and Derek was long gone. Then suddenly she was home and there he was and it was as if no time had passed. They talked about what happened but not really, there were still so many questions she had but every moment spent with Derek warmed her from the inside out.

She felt like she was that eighteen year old girl again but she couldn't figure out if that was a good thing or not. She was so different from the person she was with him. She didn't know if she could ever trust him again or ever would. He just got out of an engagement, it was too soon. He told her the ball was in her court but she was lost on what to she loved him, she always would but the timing wasn't great and she had just finally became happy again, she didn't want to risk losing that.

Derek woke up that morning with a migraine. He didn't want to go downstairs and face his mom or Mark. He didn't want to talk about last night or what happened or what it all meant. He had no idea what it meant. Meredith was hard to read, and he knew she relied heavily on track records and his wasn't the best. He wanted to sneak out of the house for the day but at the same time if Meredith came to talk to him he didn't want her to think that he was abandoning her again. He knew all of this was his fault, if he would have kept himself from hurting her or if he could've seen how selfish he was being. He thought back to before his dad had died a few days after he ended things with Meredith.

 _He was lying on the floor in the living room of his and Marks apartment. He was clutching the tequila bottle. Meredith loved tequila. He took a swig, it tasted like her mouth when he would kiss her after they had been drinking it. He felt numb. He wanted her back. He needed her back. He missed her so damn much. He would go and talk to her once they were back home for the summer. He would apologize profously. He would stop being so selfish. He would change._

 _But for now, for now he would wallow, with tears coming down his eyes and alcohol on his breath. He was sweatting alcohol, he had been drinking non stop for days. He didn't know why he did it. He loved her, that he knew but he needed freedom, he needed to be away from her to figure out who he was. Did he really even want to be a surgeon? Or was that just Meredith's influence on him all these years, he didn't know. His mom would be furious once she found out, he would have to talk to Meredith as soon as she was home. She was supposed to get home a day after him thankfully so he could go talk to her before his mom got to her. He would make this right. He would beg for her back if thats what it took. He loved her._

 _"Shep get off the floor" Mark said coming in the apartment and setting his bookbag down on the couch_

 _"I'm gonna get her back" Derek slurred_

 _"Tequila again?" Mark asked as he took the bottle from Derek's hands_

 _"Hey, thats mine" Derek slurred again and tried to reach for the bottle_

 _"You drank almost the entire bottle Derek"_

 _"That's my second bottle today. I love her" Derek slurred with tears coming down his eyes._

 _"Alright, get up. I'm not letting you self destruct. You made a choice, you thought about it for months and you broke up with her. You need to handle your shit. If you want to be with Meredith than be with Meredith but don't sit here feeling sorry for yourself over a choice that you made"_

 _"I was so stupid"_

 _"Come on buddy" Mark relented and helped him up. He helped him to his bed room_

 _"Sleep it off bud" Mark told him_

 _"Can you call her for me?" Derek asked_

 _"Yeah, I'll call her" Mark said_

 _"Tell her I love her" Derek told him_

 _"Okay, I will. Get some rest" Mark told his friend. He never made the phone call._

Derek was pulled from his thoughts when he heard someone knocking at his door. He hoped it was Meredith but he knew deep down it wasn't, it was too soon, she always needed time to process.

"Come in" he said trying to fake a chipper mood

"Hey man" Mark said coming into his room and taking a seat at Derek's desk chair

"How was last night?" Mark asked

"It was fine" Derek replied non-chalantly

"Just fine?" Mark asked with a raised brow

"Yeah, we had a good time" Derek replied laying his head on his pillow

"You don't look like you had a good time" Mark replied

"Can we not do this?" Derek said with an edge to his tone

"Yeah dude, chill. I just came in here to let you know that Owen and some of the guys are trying to go fishing today if you want to come?"

"Yeah, what time?"

"As soon as your lazy ass gets up, by the way mama Shep is at the grocery store right now. She plans on inviting Mer and Christina for dinner tonight and she is dying to know how last night went, if you're trying to avoid it with her, I would get ready fast"

"Yeah okay, thanks" Derek said and got out of bed

Mark nodded. "Meet you downstairs"

Derek sighed. He went outside to his balcony to get some fresh air just for a second. This balcony had a straight view to Meredith's room. He wondered if she was still sleeping or if she was up and avoiding him or if she already left for the day. He saw her jeep still in the drive way. He wanted to go over to her house and talk to her but he knew she needed her space to process and he would give it to her. At least for now.

"Mer get up. You abandoned me yesterday and I had to hang out with that spawn Mark all day" Christina complained as she got into bed with Meredith

"Can I tell you something?" Meredith asked

"Uh Duh" Christina said

Meredith laid her head back down on her pillow. She sighed.

"Christina" Meredith said with a shaky voice, she didn't want to cry.

"I slept with Derek last night"

"Was it good?

"It was amazing"

"So whats the problem?"

"Christina. There are a lot of things wrong with this. First off Derek just got out of a relationship,and he broke my heart and I haven't even spoken to him in years. I can't just sleep with Derek"

"Why?"

"Because you don't just sleep with a guy like Derek, he's a relationship guy. He told me he's still in love with me"

"Well I could have told you that"

"I don't know what to do" Meredith said with a sigh

"Stop letting McDreamy control your life Mer"

"He's not controlling my life"

"Ever since we got here, Derek has been stressing you out"

"Derek isn't stressing me out, the situation is stressing me out. I don't know what is right and I know the timing is off and I just, I feel so confused"

"I think that's your answer then"

"He told me the ball is in my court"

"I guess it's up to you then whether you wanna play ball or not"

Meredith nodded and looked down at her hands, she had no idea what she wanted to do.

"Maybe this will cheer you up, George and Alex are coming up for the weekend"

"When will they be here?"

"Anytime, I would have told you yesterday but you were busy with McDreamy"

Derek and Mark were out with Owen and his friend Finn.

"Hey" Owen said waving at Mark

"This is my buddy Derek" Mark said

"This is Finn" Owen said. They guys all said hello.

Derek was quiet for the most part. He sat on the far end of the boat with a fishing rod. He was mostly to himself. His mind was on Meredith, he didn't know what was right or wrong anymore. He had the most incredible day with her and it ended in a way he never would have imagined. He really just wanted to get her mind off of her mother and the stress that came from it. He just wanted her to be happy. If anyone deserved hapiness it was Meredith.

He came out of his trance when he heard Mark talking about him

"He's fine, he's just having some girl problems, an ex" Mark clarified to guys

"Finn's having some of his own girl problems" Owen replied, eyes cast at the water

"I wouldn't call them problems" Finn corrected

"I like this girl but I don't think she's into me and I've been trying to get her to hang out one on one but she never seems up for it" he clarified

"She's a blonde, totally hot" Owen told the boys with a grin

"Derek has his own blonde problems" Mark said smirking

"We're not having problems Mark" Derek replied tersely

"Come on man just tell me what happened last night" Mark whined

"Drop it" Derek told him with finality.

"Hey we're going to go call up some of our friends, theres no reception here, we'll be back in a second" Owen said letting the two guys discuss their issue in private

"Don't talk about Meredith around people I don't know"

"Dude, they're cool. It's just guy talk"

"I don't care. It's between me and Mer. I have too much respect for her to run my mouth about what happened last night to random guys I don't know"

"What did happen last night? You can't just keep referring to it and not tell me"

Derek sighed "We had sex" Derek said quietly

"You fucked Meredith?" Mark said a little too loudly

"Meredith Grey?" Finn asked. They didn't realize Finn had come back to get his cell phone.

Derek's eyes laced with anger for a brief moment before he composed himself "Like I said, it is between Meredith and me" Derek said with an edge before he went back to focussing on fishing

"Do you know Meredith Grey?" Mark asked curiously

"Yeah thats the girl I've been trying to get to go out with me" Finn told them

Derek looked at Finn like he was dog shit on the ground. He couldn't believe this guy.

"She's not going to go out with you, because she's with me" Derek told Finn

"Doesn't seem like it, you said she's an ex"

"She's more than an ex, we love eachother, she's not interested"

"I still plan on asking her on a date tonight" Finn told the guys

Derek wanted to punch this guy

"Mer's life is complicated enough, her mom is very sick, she's trying to sell her house. You don't need to complicate it more" Derek told him

"I don't think dinner is going to complicate her life" Finn said crossing his arms across his chest

"Dude, I would not-" Mark started to say but was cut off by Derek  
"Don't talk to her" Derek told Finn with a seriousness that Mark had never seen before

"You don't own her, and you can't just tell me who I can and can't talk to"

"I'm only telling you not to talk to one girl, Meredith and I have a very long history and we're trying to resolve things, I don't need you or anyone else to complicate things"

"Meredith and I have a lot in common"

"Her and I have a past, and I fucked her last night" Derek said. He didn't mean to say it like that or at all but he was overcome with jealousy and he couldn't stop himself

"Whatever man, she's all yours" Finn said holding his hands up in defeat and walking away

"What is up with you?" Mark asked

"He was trying to take Meredith away from me"

"Derek do you hear yourself? You are acting insane, he's right you don't own her"

Derek ran his hands through his hair " I know, I don't know anymore, I can't lose her again. I just can't and I know I seem pshycotic, I know I seem possesive and controlling but she's the love of my life Mark" Derek told his friends.

He didn't want to get emotional. He was trying his best to keep it from happening but he made love to the only woman he had ever loved last night for the first time in years and he still didn't know where he stood with her. He was never going to get her out of his heart or mind and if Meredith didn't want him too, than he was going to spend the rest of his life miserable and alone without her.

"Lets go home, you need to talk to Meredith" Mark told his friend.

"I can't talk to her right now"

"Maybe not but we're leaving to go home anyways, you're killing everyone's vibe" Mark half joked.

Derek nodded and the boys left.

"Alex and George are here Mer" Christina said as she turned off the TV

"Sweet house" Alex said as he got out of his truck.

"Christina didn't tell me you guys were coming until today" Meredith said giving him a hug followed by a hug to George

"Well you wouldn't answer our calls" George whined

"Sorry, I'm a little busy here, dealing with my dying mother and this freaking house" Meredith whined

"Hey the dying mother card doesn't work if you hate her" Alex dead panned

Meredith cracked a grin and the group laughed.

"I must admit, I have missed you a little bit evil spawn" Christina joked

Alex gave Christina a weird look.

"New York is softening her, who would've thought" Meredith told them as they all made their way inside

"I am still a hard core kick ass surgeon to be" Christina defended

"Here Here" George agreed

"So what are we doing tonight?" Alex asked as he sat his stuff down in the foyer

"I was thinking a little house party to celebrate the fact that buyers are looking at the house on Monday" Meredith told them

"Beers and tequila?" George asked

"Duh" Christina told him

"Who all is coming to this?"

"Just some friends, it'll be small I promise"

Later that night the friends sat around Meredith's living room nursing beers and drinking tequila out of the bottle. Meredith invited Izzie, Owen, Finn, April, Callie and A;rizona, and a guy named Denny tagged along. Meredith smiled when she saw how well the group was getting along. The entire group seemed to be getting along really well and Meredith felt hapiness. This was her life. She had grown up a lot since she left home for college.

When she left home she was so happy and excited for what the future had in store for her life. She was dating and in love with her very best friend in the world, she was finally away from her mother's judgement and the world was open to her. That year away from home was devastating to her. The one person in the world she could count on abandoned her for no reason and left her completely alone. She spent the next year drunk and slept with so many guys she couldn't keep track. She hated that fact. However, despite that she made a group of amazing friends. She met her person along with Alex and George. She got to a place where she was happy again. She was a solid person again and she learned who she was without Derek. He came from a loving home and although his dad died and everything wasn't perfect for him, he had a solid backbone to draw strength from. He had his mother who supported him no matter what and Mark who was like a brother to him. He was engaged to someone else and even though the engagement didn't last long, Derek considered spending his life with another person. A person that wasn't her and then he never told her he called off the engagement until after they slept together. He told her he still loved her and she knew she always would love him but she didn't know whether or not love was enough. People deserve second chances but she had finally gotten her life to a point where she was happy with it, she was starting med school and her full attention needed to be on med school, then there was the fact that her mother was dying from Alheizmers and she needed to be there for her mom. She didn't have time for the emotional roller coaster that was Derek Shephered, not when she had finally become a solid person.

As she looked at her friends she smiled, they were there for her always. Alex caught her eye and smiled at her, she smiled back at him. He was talking to Izzie and she could tell he really liked her. He gave her a thumbs up as to say everything was going well and she was so happy for him. Alex deserved hapiness. She knew her next step would be to talk to Derek. They had so much to talk about and she needed to be an adult about it and talk to him no matter how scary that would be. She took two beers and quietly exited the room. She made the quick walk to Derek's. She hesitated at the door, she really did not want to talk to Carolyn or Mark at this exact moment. She looked around for the old ladder that the Shephered's used to keep outside for when Derek or his dad would go onto the roof. Meredith had used it so many times to sneak over and see Derek when they were younger. She found the ladder and hoisted it against the siding of the house. It was hard to hold the beers and make it up the ladder but she managed.

She took a deep breath and knocked on Dereks window, she was standing on his balcony hoping that he was in his room and would hear her. Suddenly she felt very stupid, she should've just knocked on his front door like an adult but before she could think too much about it, she was met by Derek's face and arms opening the window.

"Hey" she told him

"Hey" he said back

Both were frozen in spot

"Can we talk?" she asked

Derek nodded

"Do you want to come inside?"

"It's a nice night, want to just sit out here?" she asked

He agreed and the two former lovers took seats on the ground facing the stars. Meredith set a beer infront of him and he took it. They both drank a few sips

They were quiet for awhile

"I'm honestly suprised to see you so soon" Derek told her, his face pointed towards the sky

"You said the balls in my court and I'm ready to talk, I don't need time on this one" she told him biting her lip.

He nodded and turned his attention to her "How's your party?" he asked her motioning to all the cars in her drive way

"It's not really a party, just some friends hanging out"

"Thanks for the invite" Derek said cracking a small smile, breaking a bit of the tension

Meredith smiled back at him and gave him a little shove in his arm which he laughed at.

"So, you're ready to talk?" he asked

"I am, I thought a lot about everything, Everything that happened, last night, my future, your future, a lot about our past, about our present, I've been thinking" Meredith rambled

"So you've said" Derek told her giving her a small smile

"Last night was...un expected but it was incredible. You and I have always had an undeniable chemistry Derek and God knows we've had a past" Meredith paused

"But it's not enough" she finished.

His face dropped and she continued "It's not enough because in two months everything is going to go back to reality. We're both going to be in med school, we never could make it work in undergrad and thats nothing compared to what med school is going to be, you just ended an engagement and you didn't even tell me" she told him softly.

"I love you too Derek, I didn't say it back to you last night, but I do. I love you a lot and that is why right now you and I can't be together"

"We could try" he started to say

"We cant' Derek and you know that" she said cutting him off

"We can't try right now because we're supposed to end up together, and we have one more shot at this and if we tried it again right now, it would end badly and I don't want a bad ending with you"

"Meredith, I'm never going to leave you again. I know I was selfish in the past, I know that I just broke off a relationship but we love eachother and I'm sorry for the past but I want to move forward with you"

"But I need to be selfish Derek. I'm finally happy, I have great friends and I love my school. I understand now why you ended things with me. You had to know what it was like to live without me and how to be someone without me. It took me over a year to find myself without you, I just became happy again. I don't want to do the long distance relationship, I have so much going on with my mother that I can't handle a second emotional roller coaster right now"

"I don't understand" he told her

"The timing isn't right"

"Timing doesn't matter when you love someone and you are willing to do whatever it takes to make it work" he argued

"But it does matter Derek, it mattered to you when you ended things with me. The timing wasn't right"

"I wasn't willing to do whatever it took then, I am now" he told her

"But I'm not, I'm not willing to do whatever it takes right now. Right now I'm the selfish one, and you have to let me be selfish, you have to let me be you"

Derek ran his hands through his hair

"We were kids then Meredith, you can't hold it against me forever"

"I'm not holding it against you"

Derek stood up and paced "You are. You're scared because I hurt you and you don't want to get hurt again"

"This has nothing to do with that, this has to do with the fact that timing is not on our side right now"

Derek scoffed "That's bull shit, we could make it work, you just don't trust me" he barked

Meredith stood up, anger filled her eyes

"Ofcourse I don't trust you, why would I?" Meredith yelled

"And there it is" Derek yelled throwing his hands in the air

"You can't just expect a few weeks of getting along and sex to take away from the fact that you left me and didn't speak to me for three years, 3 whole years Derek, I was your best friend"

"Some friend you were when my father died and you couldn't even come see me or my mom, we were your family"

"Yeah you were, and then you randomly decided I wasn't good enough for you anymore and you threw away everything"

"I was an eighteen year old kid figuring my life out, I'm sorry, I've done nothing but apologize to you since you got back here. I wanted you back instantly but then my dad died and I didn't see you and time got away from me, it got away from us. I don't want to keep dwelling on the past, I don't want three more years without you, hell Meredith I don't want to go three hours without you. I love you."

"You broke my heart" Meredith said shaking her head

Derek ran his hand through his hair "Why can't you let the fucking past go?" he shouted

"Because I was pregnant" Meredith yelled and covered her mouth with her hand as soon as the words left her mouth.

Derek paled and his mouth went dry. "Wwhat?" he whispered

"I was pregnant and I lost the baby" Meredith said softly with tears filling her eyes.

Derek's own eyes filled with tears. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked softly

"I was going to, I found out about a week before we broke up. I was terrified and then a few days later, I felt really weird and I started spotting and I went back to the doctor and they told me the baby died. I was lost and depressed and I was going to tell you but finals were coming up and I didn't want you to be upset and you were already so distant Derek. I was going to hold onto the information until after finals passed but we broke up and I had to deal with it all alone. Thats why I didn't come home that summer, thats why I didn't come see you when your dad died, I was consumed with grief and I was angry at you"

Derek held her. "I am so sorry Mer, I'm so so sorry" he whispered into her ear.

"I never told anyone"

"I know" he told her as he smoothed her hair and comforted her "I know"

He stood there hugging her for what felt like hours and he didn't mind it at all. He was finally able to stop his own tears and she seemed to compose herself too.

He felt awful and sick, him and Meredith could have a child right now. A two year old running around that he would be playing baseball with or having tea parties with. If he hadn't of been so distant with her maybe she wouldn't have been stressed and maybe their baby would have lived. He knew it probably worked out for the best but it still hurt him.

"Mer can I ask you something?"

She sniffled and looked up at him expectantly. He wiped a few remaining tears out of her green eyes. "Would you have kept the baby?"

She nodded "I wasn't going to get an abortion, I loved him or her already"

He sighed as though he was relieved and hugged her to him again.

"Where does this leave us now?" Derek asked when they finally broke away

"I don't know" Meredith answered honestly

"There is obviously a lot of the past that we need to work through and work on. You're right, a relationship right now isn't the best idea"

"It doesn't mean never Derek"

"I know that"

"I still want you in my life, I still want to spend time with you this summer, I want to get to know you again"

"I want those things too" Derek told her honestly

"So it's settled, for now we are friends?"

"We are" Derek told her with a sad smile

"I guess I should get going then" Meredith said hesitating

"You don't have to, we still haven't finished our beers"

Meredith nodded and took a seat back on the ground where her beer was, he followed suit and put his arm around her. They both drank their beers in silence.

"I finished my beer" she told him

He nodded "Do you want to come inside?" he asked

She agreed and they laid in Derek's bed.

He held her against him

"Do you remember how many times I would sneak over that summer before college started and we would spend every night together?" Meredith asked him with a smile

"I do, those times were great"

"Can I spend the night?" Meredith asked quietly

"Always" he told her and kissed her forehead.

They fell asleep that night wrapped in eachothers arms.

Okay so huge bombshell this chapter. I don't want Meredith and Derek to get back together immediatly, I want them to work through their past issues and re kindle their friendship. Please review I am obsessed with hearing you guy's thoughts! Next chapter will hopefully be up shortly.


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